The Doctor Advises on....

My neighbour spies on me in the garden and I think I like it.

This week's postbag contained this dilemma from Mr B.B. (Mr B.B has asked for his full name to be withheld and, as always, we are pleased to accede to such requests.)

Dear Doctor

A most attractive lady moved to the next-door house shortly after my mother died. I am a man well past the first flush of youth but I like to think that I have kept myself presentable, and my problem is that my new neighbour also seems to think so. She has taken to appearing at the upstairs window of her rear bedroom while I am relaxing in the garden and she undresses there as if completely unaware that I can see her. She then proceeds to indulge herself in what might most delicately be described as 'tension relief'.

I have spoken to her in a purely neighbourly manner and ascertained that she is single (a divorcee) although many of her uncles visit her at all hours of the day and night, so she is not short of company. You may wonder why I should write about a very attractive lady disrobing in full view and of course I am very flattered that she should want to do so. No, my dilemma is that she has suggested that we could take it further. I think she must be badly missing conjugal relations, so badly in fact that she mentioned the sum of £80 remuneration if I would consent to indulge in 'relations' with her. How can I fulfill her need for physical communion with me without insulting her by turning down her offer to pay me £80.

Yours in confidence

Barry Barton
8, Cricklewood Boulevard
Willesden
(Please withhold my full name and address. Thanks)

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The doctor says

Dear B.B, since this is not strictly a medical matter I have passed your letter across to my esteemed colleague, the renowned author (Crystal Healing for Pets etc) Mona Bone-Jakon.
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