with Rev Ivor Draper
What to do with Facebook friend requests from people one doesn't know?
Perhaps the best idea is to put it to The Lord and wait for an answer. If you haven't had a twitter from The Lord in ten minutes, please reset your rotary mower and try again. Unfortunately Lord Rotor cannot enter into any correspondence about the results of prayers, due to the overwhelming number of submissions. Bless you all and bless the Willesden Rotary Mower Club.
Showing posts with label Ivor Draper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ivor Draper. Show all posts
Monday, January 26, 2009
Monday, March 27, 2006
Death to all apostates
Letters
Afghans protest at Christian's death sentence delay
"Mr Rahman stands accused of apostasy, or abandonment of faith - an offence punishable by hanging" (Guardian)
No less a fate should befall the pigdogs who worship at the cylindrical RM1 brothelshed in Walm Lane. RM is the only true faith, as exemplified by Lord Rotor's only living representative Jeremy and his Holy Uncle, peace be upon them and their Highgate ashram. In the name of the Rotor, the Grassbox and the Holy Roller.
Rev. Mechanic I. Draper (WRMC)
Afghans protest at Christian's death sentence delay
"Mr Rahman stands accused of apostasy, or abandonment of faith - an offence punishable by hanging" (Guardian)
No less a fate should befall the pigdogs who worship at the cylindrical RM1 brothelshed in Walm Lane. RM is the only true faith, as exemplified by Lord Rotor's only living representative Jeremy and his Holy Uncle, peace be upon them and their Highgate ashram. In the name of the Rotor, the Grassbox and the Holy Roller.
Rev. Mechanic I. Draper (WRMC)
Monday, February 06, 2006
By order of the WRMC steering committee
Letters
I appeal to your readers to realise that the use of non-rotary mowers is forbidden on pain of death by the Willesden Rotary Mower Club. Worshippers at WRMC High Temple were reminded by Her Eminence, Engineer Alma Dinnerjacket this Monday (our Sabbath), of the verse in the Holy Manual which permits believers to put to death users of both petrol and hover mowers alike. We hold it self-evident that the use of non-rotary mowers is highly offensive to every single one of our followers, and therefore we claim our right under the relevant legislation not to be offended. I urge all citizens of this contingent state to desist from further provocations, until the Day of Lawn when all will be judged by Prince Rotor (praise be His name).
Rev. Mechanic I. Draper (WRMC)
I appeal to your readers to realise that the use of non-rotary mowers is forbidden on pain of death by the Willesden Rotary Mower Club. Worshippers at WRMC High Temple were reminded by Her Eminence, Engineer Alma Dinnerjacket this Monday (our Sabbath), of the verse in the Holy Manual which permits believers to put to death users of both petrol and hover mowers alike. We hold it self-evident that the use of non-rotary mowers is highly offensive to every single one of our followers, and therefore we claim our right under the relevant legislation not to be offended. I urge all citizens of this contingent state to desist from further provocations, until the Day of Lawn when all will be judged by Prince Rotor (praise be His name).
Rev. Mechanic I. Draper (WRMC)
Monday, July 18, 2005
The definition of a martyr
Religion for Dummies - Part 1
A martyr is somebody who is killed for his or her beliefs, not somebody who kills himself or herself. A martyr is someone who is killed, not someone who kills. Idiots who blow themselves up in a crowd of civilians are as far from martyrdom as they can ever get. They are stupid, inhumane people who live and die in ignorance, duped and killed by their own dispatchers.
Rev. I. Draper
A martyr is somebody who is killed for his or her beliefs, not somebody who kills himself or herself. A martyr is someone who is killed, not someone who kills. Idiots who blow themselves up in a crowd of civilians are as far from martyrdom as they can ever get. They are stupid, inhumane people who live and die in ignorance, duped and killed by their own dispatchers.
Rev. I. Draper
Sunday, September 21, 2003
Thoughts of a loose Canon
There can be no forgiveness without repentance. To simulate the sacrament of Penance in bad faith only adds the sin of sacrilege to the rest. Equally, the facile declarations of forgiveness for their malefactors, which we sometimes hear from victims of crime, only add to the original offence. Unless offenders declare their remorse and promise not to repeat their offence, in good faith, any absolution offered is null and void until the Last Judgment.
Rev. I. Draper
There can be no forgiveness without repentance. To simulate the sacrament of Penance in bad faith only adds the sin of sacrilege to the rest. Equally, the facile declarations of forgiveness for their malefactors, which we sometimes hear from victims of crime, only add to the original offence. Unless offenders declare their remorse and promise not to repeat their offence, in good faith, any absolution offered is null and void until the Last Judgment.
Rev. I. Draper
Sunday, August 17, 2003
Thoughts of a loose Canon
Every time we cross the road at traffic lights we act on faith. Every time we post a letter we act on faith. I presume that the last step on the stairs will still be in place when I go up to bed. You are probably not one of the monks who pray every evening for the sun to reappear tomorrow, and get up at dawn to celebrate when it does; you take it on faith. There is nothing I can do, no action I can take, and I can't even think without relying implicitly on the universe that supports my existence. For practical purposes, our whole world works on, and depends on faith, yet few of us believe in it. In practice we rely on faith, but in theory we don't believe in it. See you next week.
Rev. I. Draper
Every time we cross the road at traffic lights we act on faith. Every time we post a letter we act on faith. I presume that the last step on the stairs will still be in place when I go up to bed. You are probably not one of the monks who pray every evening for the sun to reappear tomorrow, and get up at dawn to celebrate when it does; you take it on faith. There is nothing I can do, no action I can take, and I can't even think without relying implicitly on the universe that supports my existence. For practical purposes, our whole world works on, and depends on faith, yet few of us believe in it. In practice we rely on faith, but in theory we don't believe in it. See you next week.
Rev. I. Draper
Friday, August 08, 2003
Friday, June 13, 2003
A proposal to remedy the plague of crime and prisons
Letters
It is well known that the crime rate has been rising by about 5% per year for a hundred years. As a result there exists a state of approximately 100% crime at this present day. In effect everybody in this country is in the process of committing a crime all of the time.
You might wonder how it is possible for normal life to continue when everyone is in the process of committing a crime. The reason becomes clear when long crimes such as parking illegally all day, or watching television without a licence, say, are taken into account. More villainous offences can be "long crimes" too, such as persistent jaywalking or driving an unroadworthy car.
In short, normal life proceeds without any apparent difficulty but all the while every citizen in the land is in breach of some regulation or another. That is to say nothing of felons imported into the country, usually by unlawful means, who only add to the number of criminals walking our streets.
The police are fully occupied with writing up details of crimes reported to them. In fact they might just as well try, as children do on beaches, to empty the sea by taking buckets of water (without a licence) and emptying them into holes made in the sand (without planning permission.)
At the same time it has been well documented that large numbers of apparently innocent people have been incarcerated illegally - another crime - before being released and colluding in extorting money from the government to compensate them for what they never did, and for their illegal sojourn at the expense of the state.
It has often been observed that legalising this, that and everything would reduce the crime rate to zero at a stroke. Right - but wrong. Simple - but complicated. Effective - but ineffective. True - but false. No right-minded person would want to legalise murder, parking on yellow lines, being without visible means of support, rape, begging, armed robbery, tv licence evasion etc etc.
The solution is as sensible as its "legalise everything" counterpart is ludicrous. When you hear it you will say, "But we knew all along; it was so simple." Ladies and Gents, I propose that the entire citizenry of the country be sentenced to indefinite imprisonment without trial, and simply allow them all out on parole.
It is self-evident that nobody can ever prove they are innocent of everything; therefore they must be guilty of something at all times. The Good Book itself testifies that even a newborn baby when it shows its offensive face to the world, is already guilty. You needn't trouble yourself worrying about the expense of it; rather the savings will be enormous. Since they are so proven guilty by this ineluctable logic, there will be no further need for courts, lawyers, or any laws at all.
Only politicians and officers of the state will be excused from the new dispensation. Such worthies have to be exempt from the rule in order to enforce it. However, citizens who prove well behaved over a significant number of years, may hope to be promoted to absolute freedom, i.e, State Employment.
I. Draper (Rev.)
It is well known that the crime rate has been rising by about 5% per year for a hundred years. As a result there exists a state of approximately 100% crime at this present day. In effect everybody in this country is in the process of committing a crime all of the time.
You might wonder how it is possible for normal life to continue when everyone is in the process of committing a crime. The reason becomes clear when long crimes such as parking illegally all day, or watching television without a licence, say, are taken into account. More villainous offences can be "long crimes" too, such as persistent jaywalking or driving an unroadworthy car.
In short, normal life proceeds without any apparent difficulty but all the while every citizen in the land is in breach of some regulation or another. That is to say nothing of felons imported into the country, usually by unlawful means, who only add to the number of criminals walking our streets.
The police are fully occupied with writing up details of crimes reported to them. In fact they might just as well try, as children do on beaches, to empty the sea by taking buckets of water (without a licence) and emptying them into holes made in the sand (without planning permission.)
At the same time it has been well documented that large numbers of apparently innocent people have been incarcerated illegally - another crime - before being released and colluding in extorting money from the government to compensate them for what they never did, and for their illegal sojourn at the expense of the state.
It has often been observed that legalising this, that and everything would reduce the crime rate to zero at a stroke. Right - but wrong. Simple - but complicated. Effective - but ineffective. True - but false. No right-minded person would want to legalise murder, parking on yellow lines, being without visible means of support, rape, begging, armed robbery, tv licence evasion etc etc.
The solution is as sensible as its "legalise everything" counterpart is ludicrous. When you hear it you will say, "But we knew all along; it was so simple." Ladies and Gents, I propose that the entire citizenry of the country be sentenced to indefinite imprisonment without trial, and simply allow them all out on parole.
It is self-evident that nobody can ever prove they are innocent of everything; therefore they must be guilty of something at all times. The Good Book itself testifies that even a newborn baby when it shows its offensive face to the world, is already guilty. You needn't trouble yourself worrying about the expense of it; rather the savings will be enormous. Since they are so proven guilty by this ineluctable logic, there will be no further need for courts, lawyers, or any laws at all.
Only politicians and officers of the state will be excused from the new dispensation. Such worthies have to be exempt from the rule in order to enforce it. However, citizens who prove well behaved over a significant number of years, may hope to be promoted to absolute freedom, i.e, State Employment.
I. Draper (Rev.)
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