The daily lemma

with Rev Ivor Draper

What to do with Facebook friend requests from people one doesn't know?

Perhaps the best idea is to put it to The Lord and wait for an answer. If you haven't had a twitter from The Lord in ten minutes, please reset your rotary mower and try again. Unfortunately Lord Rotor cannot enter into any correspondence about the results of prayers, due to the overwhelming number of submissions. Bless you all and bless the Willesden Rotary Mower Club.

The Willies: special award

WRMC announces a special award on the occasion of his 75th birthday to Cheeta, the star of the Tarzan films.

In recognition of his outstanding contribution to acting and the movies, the WRMC hereby appoints Cheeta its inaugural fellow, and awards this special Golden Willy for Lifetime Achievement. His thrilling adventures together with his humorous ape companion, Johnny Weissmuller, will continue to bring joy to future generations as they have in the past.

Alma Dinnerjacket

The Golden Willy Awards 2006

The Willesden Rotary Mower Club (patron Lord Donor) is pleased to announce:

Best photo blog: The Eejit

Best creative writing: Open All Night

Best literary blog: Moorish Girl

Best commentary: Lenin's Tomb

Best daybook: Whiskey River

Best local blog: Diamond Geezer

The Anna Coluthon award (voted for by poets): Riley Dog

And finally, the Red Woodward award, and fellowship of the WRMC goes to:

Best blog: The Eejit

Feargal Mooney

• Sponsored by:
  Muzzy "Poorboy" Pirbhai, Lord Donor,
  www.PFI.BuyTwoSchools.FreePeerageOffer.gov.uk


• Last year's awards and statement from patron, Lord Donor

Death to all apostates

Letters

Afghans protest at Christian's death sentence delay

"Mr Rahman stands accused of apostasy, or abandonment of faith - an offence punishable by hanging" (Guardian)

No less a fate should befall the pigdogs who worship at the cylindrical RM1 brothelshed in Walm Lane. RM is the only true faith, as exemplified by Lord Rotor's only living representative Jeremy and his Holy Uncle, peace be upon them and their Highgate ashram. In the name of the Rotor, the Grassbox and the Holy Roller.

Rev. Mechanic I. Draper (WRMC)

By order of the WRMC steering committee

Letters

I appeal to your readers to realise that the use of non-rotary mowers is forbidden on pain of death by the Willesden Rotary Mower Club. Worshippers at WRMC High Temple were reminded by Her Eminence, Engineer Alma Dinnerjacket this Monday (our Sabbath), of the verse in the Holy Manual which permits believers to put to death users of both petrol and hover mowers alike. We hold it self-evident that the use of non-rotary mowers is highly offensive to every single one of our followers, and therefore we claim our right under the relevant legislation not to be offended. I urge all citizens of this contingent state to desist from further provocations, until the Day of Lawn when all will be judged by Prince Rotor (praise be His name).

Rev. Mechanic I. Draper (WRMC)

The Golden Willy Awards 2004-5

Results

The Willesden Rotary Mower Club announces that there will be no statuettes this year, due to a world shortage of gold paint. All of the nominees are therefore declared joint winners of the Golden Willies for:

Overall Winner
Diamond Geezer, whiskey river, Lenin's Tomb, Moorish Girl

Best Journal
Implosion of Mediocre Brilliance, Sashinka, The Eejit

Best Online Magazine
writeThis.com, deaddrunkdublin, Big Bridge

Best Newcomer
The Smell of Cypress, sean?

Best Commentary
Lenin's Tomb, Karmalised, Emerald Bile

Best Photo Blog
Frizzy Logic, London and the North

So Bad it's not Good
The obLiterati, The Framley Examiner

The rules state that the winners are entitled to display the Golden Willy 2005 logo. Unfortunately, due to a world shortage of graphic designers, it has not been possible to produce the logo this year, again.

The Committee is pleased that the Willies continue to go from strength. There follows a short statement by our patron Lord Donor, Boy Pirbhai.


Carmencita Haverty (Hon. Sec.)
Willesden Rotary Mower Club


Statement by Patron

Congratulations are in order to all the nominees. The number of blogs was exactly the same as last year, a few new ones born, a few old ones died. And the quality was exactly the same as last year too. A fantastic improvement, a slowing of the decline in real terms. I have been able to help WRMC with complicated finances so that they have for the first time ever been able to balance their books, which considering the number of statuettes they supplied in previous years is an amazing feat. Without their recognition most bloggers would just remain sad geeks, unread, unloved and wrongheaded. But thanks to the prestidigious Golden Willies their efforts are given meaning and respect among fellow toilers in the field. In fact, it's not too much to say that these people are the modern equivalent to horny-handed sons of the soil. All power to them, they should be plugged into the National Grid as far as I'm concerned. To those who weren't nominated, you may remain unknown for another year, but on the downside you won't have your name associated with the prestidigious Golden Willy. Better luck next year!

Muzzy "Boy" Pirbhai (Lord Donor)