with D. C. Constable
I want to take issue with the police spokesman on the Jeremy Vine show* on Radio 2 the other day who said that the police have not been able to do their jobs properly since the McPherson report, because of the way they have to talk to ethnic minorities. I'm here to tell you I have no problem whatsoever talking to the ethnic minority here in Brent, they are always as pleased to see me as if Concorde just flew by. A typical conversation might be:
'Wotcha Delbert, they ain't fitted you up for anything yet then?'
'No man.'
'Watch your back mate.'
'Jah know.'
They often invite me in for one of their traditional cups of tea. The aboriginal English people are not all lager louts, as depicted on TV.
D. C. Constable
8 comments:
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Indeed
It is indeed true that policing must be consensual to succeed, and the basis of consent is respect and this is what is missing today.
In the old days it was never a problem to earn respect. We simply took the lads up an alley and battered them. Everyone knew where they stood and the system worked fine. Who these days feels alarm or apprehension at the sight of a policeman? No-one. And there is the rub.
Post by : Gerald Scalf (Sergeant - ret'd) (webcacheh07a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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We (at Vic Sup) have advertised for an Black and Minority Ethnic worker and have received various applications. Not one of them is actually black or an ethnic minority in the strictest sense of the word unless you count a Ukrainian as an ethnic minority. Well I suppose he is -but he's still white and European and not technically what the phrase was mean to mean 'only blacks or asians'. As no one can be seen to discriminate in this fashion we have to include any ethnic persuasion including all the white ones that don't like being thought of as an ethnic minority. well hey, in Haringey I'm an ethnic minority and I'm English and white! This I realise is a highly contentious discussion so I'll quit while I'm ahead. (btw one of the other applicants is a white south african, now that is going to go down well with a black population)that has already been identified as being 'hard to reach'.
Post by : Angela (82-35-25-15.cable.ubr04.hari.blueyonder.co.uk / )
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DNA
Policing has been transformed in recent times, and not always for the good, by advancements in DNA research. It is a double-edged sword. Take my case. I knew Alfie Pubbe was at it. My guess is that 45% of burglaries in the Haringay/Camden/Barnet triangle were down to Alfie but he is a smart guy, cautious, not a druggie. So according to traditional police practice I fitted him up and he got 7 years. It was an excellent fit-up. Credible witnesses and planted physical evidence.
Here comes the rub. 3 years later DNA evidence proved that he couldn't have done the crime we had him banged up for. I got nicked and am messaging this from Lowestoft nick. The moral of this story is that DNA can keep more villains off the street than it bangs up.
Thank you.
(Dictated/Checked - Melvyn Purkiss ACPO HMP Lowestoft)
Post by : John Publical (ex PC) (webcacheh06a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Seems to me it works tolerably well. It got you locked up.
Post by : Mal Castro (webcacheh06a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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For those of you who don't know me
I am not a typical recruit. My family is very well off, house in Brondesbury Park etc. They sent me to Harrow Public School. They wanted me to be a barrister, but I'm afraid I'm a great disappointment to them. From an early age I had a powerful desire to become a policeman and fight crime. So at the first chance I got I applied and was accepted. I was never really one of the lads - I could tell they were talking behind my back and so on. They grudgingly tolerated me because they knew there were targets for numbers of recruits. The thing that really freaked them out was after I got my posting here to Willesden I converted to Rastafarianism.
What happened was I fell in love with beautiful Noeleen. She worked in the Oporto patisserie in Walm Lane, the one with the stainless steel tables and chairs, and I tried to get her attention every day. I put on pounds because every day I had to have cream cakes for my lunch. I knew she and I had a wavelength thing going on, but because of my uniform she cut me dead. So one day I told her I would do anything to prove for her that I was not an Uncle Tom. She told me not to be silly, but I insisted. Finally she said she would respect me if I became a Rastafarian.
Well they threw the book at me, but I told them I would fight them all the way for my right to follow my religion. It was Noeleen I really wanted, but I couldn't tell them that. The dispute escalated, and things were looking bad, till one dayI was told that somebody high up told them to turn a blind eye.
So the dreadlocks stayed and I became the country's first Rasta Policeman. I'm trying to practice the lingo because people seem to enjoy it when they here it in my Harrovian accent.
Post by : D. C. Constable (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Big up, star!
Post by : Coxone (webcacheh05a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Yes, that's what I meant to say, rather. (Something like that.) Me know.
Post by : D. C. (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Give us a break
You sound like a refugee from Love Thy Neighbour, or some ante-deluvian Johnny Speight stream of bile. I don't believe in you for a minute, and I won't unless you post a picture of yourself in your uniform with dreadlocks. I'm guessing you won't be taking that challenge. Same old stereotypes. Still what do you expect from a Mick paper like this.
Post by : Malachy Dunhill (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Now there was a funny show, Love Thy Neighbour. When they used to call each other Sooty and Chalky I'd laugh fit to bust. They don't make programmes like that anymore. Now it's all nonsense about strange goings on. I can't see anything funny in any of it. What's funny about driving from Norwich to Dundee without shoes on while eating Toblerone?
Post by : Mrs Harry Roberts (webcacheh11a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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I like these community support officers that walk about all day instead of policemen. Lots of them are Albanians and Serbians who are over here until everyone over there has forgotten what they did in the war and it's safe for them to go back home, and they look very smart in their uniforms and they tell me that the Albanian chaps can you just about anything a bit cheaper than the shops. Marvellous!
Post by : Mrs Berries (webcacheh11a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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I go to an Albanian brothel in Holloway Road and I must say it's very reasonable. They are a bit like that Greek chaps airplanes, there are no frills, just in and out, but the price reflects that and the girls are very pleasant though they usually seem to have colds.
Post by : Bob Simpleton (webcacheh11a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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You all got the same webcache you lot called Bob and Mrs Berries and Harry and all the rest. You all live in the same emergency housing block or wot?
Post by : lemon (82-35-25-15.cable.ubr04.hari.blueyonder.co.uk / )
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Internet Cafs
It's because all internet cafs are using the same megarary octoflop, when their exopackets are switched through the same mux and semiconducted back up their own data sink.
Post by : Simon Moribund (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Sorry, I should have said switched through the same data sink and semiconducted back up their own mux. I'm no expert. It's a feature of the internet.
Post by : Simon Moribund (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Ah, Ms Lemon is also in the Job I see. Excellent detection.
To expand on Simon's excellent answer I must applaud the EU for linking Willesden and environs to the Information M1 Superhighway whereby all electronic communications leaving Willesden and the aforesaid environs are channelled through one of only 3 Pol.Co.Uk fibre optics. It is an exciting development and crime should plummet as a result.
By contrast if we were to take Crouch End as an example there are 130,000 wiring conduits emanating from there.
Yours in technology
Bertram Barrymore (Prof of Criminal Information Technology, University of Cricklewood)
Post by : Bertram Barrymore (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Hang on a minute
Hang on a mo. I haven't heard about that!
Post by : Rex Chipps (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Did you by chance get your computer from PC World?
Post by : Bertram Barrymore (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Why, yes! I did!
Post by : Rex Chipps (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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There you are then.
Post by : Bertram Barrymore (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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?????
Post by : Rex Chipps (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Rasta join Babylon? Tell me star, can I and I smoke ganja on the Job if I and I join?
Post by : Duke Jammy Far-I (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Yo, wh'appen brother? Perks of the job, but don't tell the bloods.
Post by : D. C. (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Aha!
It looks like each branch of PC World is using different settings. Good suss by the Professor of Criminal Law and Information Technology there. (No offence intended in the use of "suss" there.)
The Willesden Herald is an equal inopportunities employer. If you have received this message in error, please disremember it.
Post by : Simon Moribund (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Media Editor - IT briefing part 1
Mr Barrymore's explanation, while it was informative, doesn't really answer the nub of this conundrum. The fact is that the Herald receives mail by post and by electronic means. That received by ordinary mail is inputted into the web edition of the Herald from our IT Suite at Herald House and thus the IP number for those inputs is the same. This is being inputted fom the Herald's IT Suite, for example.
Post by : Amanda Saxonheart (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Media Editor - IT briefing part 2
And this is being sent directly to the Herald's web Letters Page. Note the difference.
And to answer one query from Mr Culpepper's offensive missive (which will not be appearing on these pages) no the Herald's electricity is not generated by potatoes.
Post by : Amanda Saxonheart (host62-7-153-2.webport.bt.net / )
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Does that mean that most Willesden people are still using pen and paper to communicate?
How jolly and quaint.
Post by : Robert Ryan (ppp-0-184.lond-a-3.access.uk.tiscali.com / )
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Glitches
Squawkbox will sort this out for us under our maintenance contract with them, if it's jumbling the gobbledegook that it attaches to the messages. There may be gremlins at work there. I'll try to contact them.
Post by : Simon Moribund (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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It's funny how the conversation stops when Simon speaks. All air seems to leave the room when he enters.
Post by : Malachy (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Internal mail, not to be redirected. f.a.o Malachy
Malachy, down in the print room Simon is known as Hot Socks. Maybe someone could have a word? Or slip some Daz in his locker?
Post by : Mal Castro (webcachem01b.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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electricity via potato is not all that offensive once you get past the odor.
Post by : justaonlooker (thibras1-port142.cajunnet.com / )
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since when do they have Cajuns in the UK? Somebody stole my upforster sinkslurper linkjabberhoosits!!!
Post by : what'sthis??? (thibras1-port142.cajunnet.com / )
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Only me
Oh, I see you've answered your own question. I'll give you the helpdesk reference number just the same: 2983123/WH/3222.2003-10-07. I'll process that through the system tomorrow morning before lunch, and continue after lunch till it's done.
Post by : Simon Moribund (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Shredded Cajun Alligator
We went to one of those rainforest cafes in the West End and had Shredded Cajun Alligator. My hubby did have us all in stitches. He told the waiter to make it snappy. The waiter had no sense of humour though, but I think perhaps Albanians don't like food jokes.
Post by : Mrs Berries (webcacheh09b.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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They have absolutely everything under the sun at that particular eatery. Some of us tried all night to catch them out but they had every single dish we asked for, chocolate ants, etc etc, till my good mate - you might know him, Alec Smart - called the waiter over and asked for mermaid's tits on toast. Fair play to the waiter, off he went. We could hear sounds of arguing coming from behind the counter, and then the waiter came back. He said, "I'm very sorry, but we've run out of toast."
Post by : Owen (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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We were there the night the world's last Carpen Reindeer was fricasseed. It was a few tables away but oooh it did smell lovely and, after all, reindeer can be vermin in some countries.
The price was very reasonable too, considering it was the last ever one. £22.50 a head and the testes were served as starters (on a bed of warm lettuce), followed by a mixed grill of the rest of it and each child in the group got a bit of the antlers in their party bags when they left. Apparently no-one really enjoyed it. They would have preferred the tuna wraps with chips and rainforest sauce. Some people!
Post by : Mrs Harry Roberts (webcachew02b.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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I have a tin of raindeer soup (flown in from Finland specially) in my cupboard. It is my ration for when THE bomb drops and we are forced to shelter under newspaper under the stairs. As I don't actually have an 'under the stairs' only a 'bottom of the stairs' I have an umbrella at the ready as well. Oh and I have a special bottle of real Russian vodka that blows my socks off each time I open it to sniff it. If the radiation doesn't put roses in my cheeks the vodka certainly will. I am now wondering just how many raindeer had to die to fill my tin of soup. Is it condensed? Perhaps I can reconstitute an entire herd by pretending it's Campbells and diluting it twice with water.
Post by : (82-35-25-15.cable.ubr04.hari.blueyonder.co.uk / )
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Cajun Alligator
I rather fancied doing some of that Cajun Alligator for the kids' tea. They like fish so I thought they'd like that. Anyway, I went down to the 7/11 but the nice Albanian girl who works there said they didn't stock it but why don't I try KwikSave.
So I went along to KwikSave but the Albanian girl there said they didn't stock it. She said Harrods or Harvey Nicks might. I didnt want to go all the way down to them though just on the off-chance so I rang first and the Albanian telephonist at Harrods said they should be getting some in tomorrow. I said that's no good because on Thursdays Ronaldo and Burberry go to their dad's for tea.
Well, she was very helpful. She said why don't you give them an Albanian dish. I said "That's a thought. What would you recommend?" she said "Potatoes". So that's what we had.
Post by : Mrs Ivy Scarf (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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And by the way
And by the way the kids didn't think much of them. Usually when we have a vegetable with our meals we have Smash but we don't have it too often because the kettle is a bugger to wash afterwards. But you have to try these things don't you.
Post by : Mrs Ivy Scarf (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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veg?
Isn't Smash made from potatoes?
Post by : E. Brancusi (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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No
No. Potatoes look like the Reverend Cannon's hands after the accident with the boiling oil. Smash is very fine grains and it cooks very quickly.
Post by : Mrs Ivy Scarf (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Clearly you emergency cache people only talk to one another and not to those of us functioning on an alternate webcache. I will leave you lot to it you multiple personality person you
Post by : Angela (82-35-25-15.cable.ubr04.hari.blueyonder.co.uk / )
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Cachers in the Wry
I have asked Julian Bumwilley of Crapstone Bumwilley Scrotum Scrotum and Haversack to keep an eye on this conversation.
Post by : Feargal (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Via AudioBlagger™ Voice Recognition
To whom it may concern. Stop. Re possible libel. Stop. Our client is concerned that allegations of a damaging nature are not given currency in the press. Stop. Please desist from such insinuations, comma, or we will be forced to issue proceedings to protect our clients good name. Stop. Fack off et cetera.
Post by : J. Bumwilley QC (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Who will sue? The Cajuns?
Post by : Robert Ryan (webcacheh06a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Could be. We are very litigious.
Post by : Boudin Le Blanc (webcacheh06a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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I think he means us Albanians.
Post by : Chibi Sopjani (webcacheh06a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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No, he means us, purveyors of reindeer products. So keep it zipped or you (you know who you are) will be getting a letter.
Call of the Wild Foods Inc.
Post by : Charles Guscott OBE (webcacheh06a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Exchange wanted. Council maisonette, 3 bedrooms, on Kilburn/Cricklewood border offered in exchange for 2 or 3 bed cottage in The Cotswolds.
Box 460 The Herald
Post by : Babs Kennedy (webcacheh06a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Post by : (webcacheh06a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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what are you wearing Babs?
Post by : breathless (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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hhuh hhuh hhuh hhaaahhh hhhhhhhuuuuuhhh hhhhaaaaahh
Post by : breathless (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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is thay yew Barton?
Post by : eD, (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Ooh, stop it, you saucy monkey. You'll have me all of a dither and liquid.
Post by : Babs Kennedy (webcacheh06a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
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Alligator du Cajun
Well, nah, I got me one o' dem gators down de bayou, jussa laying out thar in de sun nex' to da peer. Ahm a mite wurried he wants to tak a bite out of dem dere beagle I got to keep da nutria frum da do'step. Sos, ya want I shud hook him up gud and skin 'im fer ya and ship 'im on over dere for a good meal? Ya know, it tas' lak chicken and chew lak po'kchop. Make ya wanna slap yer momma!
Ooops! Sir beagle dun gone barking at a danged armadillo trying to eat up my collard greens I got planted in da flowerbed! I gotta go see bout 'im.
Don't fergit da hotsauce!
Post by : Bayoubabe (thibras1-port118.cajunnet.com / )
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Proposal
Mademoiselle, would you consider taking my hand in matrimony? When I get the green card I will protect you from all those fascinating animals. Nutria, I had to look that one up! How wonderful.
Post by : Aleksey (host81-128-246-113.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
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Shah, I don' beleeve in da matreemoney unless yew can pay lots of aleemoney later. I do have room over da garage for "handyman" however. ;-)
Post by : bb (null / )
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