Now incorporating The Sudbury Hill Harrow and Wherever End Times

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Why did the fictional chicken cross the road?

Realism:
Because it would do the same thing, day in and day out, until it was hit by a car and exploded in a puff of feathers and blood.

Surrealism:
To lead the sheep to a cocktail party in the church.

Magic Realism:
It's not a chicken, it's a peacock.

Fantasy:
To fulfill the prophecy of Clucknomush.

Science Fiction:
To renew the road surface with its GM asphalt chicken shit.

Romance:
To run at last into the outstretched wings of her darkly handsome capon.

Western:
That don't make no never mind.

Horror:
"That's strange - let's go over and investigate..."

Historical Fiction:
Because it was scared when King Richard's horse bolted throwing the king to the ground outside the inn kept by Nell Golightly's father.

Mystery:
That was the nagging question at the back of Jack Waterford's mind, as his car pulled up at the scene of the incident.

Family Saga:
Uncle Pat said he knew, and cousin Eleanor was sure she knew better, but Aunt Kate had the best explanation.

Adventure:
There was an island in the middle of the road and the chicken was a red one, setting out to find the fabled home of the Road Island Reds.

Anthropomorphism:
The chicken was feeling peckish and thought she would stroll over to the other side and see if there were any tasty morsels to be had, as she knew it was still two hours before lunchtime.

Fictionalised Biography:
To escape the crowd that had gathered outside the gates waiting for their first sight of Mandela for over twenty years.

Noël Knowall

1 comment:

Comments 2003-2004 said...

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I swear that I saw this piece on Sloe Wine at 2:30 EDT. When I went back to bed I couldn't stop thinking about the blessed chicken! Chicken-crossing-road jokes are NOT about chickens, are they? It's time someone explained just exactly what is going on with this chicken subterfuge.



Post by : Cheryl (cache-dl01.proxy.aol.com / )


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Yes we got our chicken wires crossed for a while.

Post by : Noel (host81-128-141-77.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )


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It crossed the road because it is a traitor to its heritage and after the best part of a thousand years of class and nationalist struggle against dispossession and oppression it capitulated in the hope of securing for itself the trinkets and baubles of the Establishment. crossing the road was an utter betrayal of its forefathers.

Post by : Padraig (webcacheh09b.cache.pol.co.uk / )


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Shut up or we'll have your knees off.

Post by : Ian and Johnny (webcacheh09b.cache.pol.co.uk / )


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Ah well, 'tis the first time I've heard the wee bird described in political terms. It is surely against God's good purposes that an innocent bird should come to symbolise the inherent weaknesses of mankind. Think of the size of the poor creature's brain and take pity. Have pity too for your fellow man, no matter the scent of Jamieson's behind his ears or his predilection for anthropomorphising everything.
Bless you.

Post by : Sister Innocenta Fragmentosa (cache-rq06.proxy.aol.com / )


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Noel? You are yet living? Do you still know all the answers?

Post by : Nutty Noddle (mailgate.sutton-publishing.co.uk / noddle@elvis.com )


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I'm not sure I know you, but your manner is familiar. (Yes, I made that up myself, no other aesthete coined it, unless by a great coincidence.)

Post by : Noel Knowall (host81-128-220-237.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )


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shut up Noely, you ponce

Post by : Wenceslas (host81-128-220-237.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )


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I think you menat perhaps the betrayal of his forefeathers?

Post by : (thibras1-port164.cajunnet.com / )


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Don't beak cruel.

Post by : Zeta Peters (webcacheh04a.cache.pol.co.uk / )


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Ah what a shame that so many of you serfs choose to mock the oldest and greatest parable of man's attempt at transcendence and enquiry.

May the chickens long continue to cross roads!!!

Post by : Padraig (webcacheh04a.cache.pol.co.uk / )


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You should get out more.

Post by : Justin Farqhuar (webcacheh04a.cache.pol.co.uk / )