Picture by Onion Mbeke (Sphagnum)
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
The human is wild, not tame
How much will identity cards cost? (Guardian)
Identity cards are about one thing only, control. The government wants to control you, to tag you with Oyster cards and car tracking, to watch you on surveillance cameras, and to decide your entitlements and ultimately whether you live or die.
They are already persecuting you, revoking your ancient rights, selling you out to big business. But you are wild, and you should be free. They want to tame you. Don't lose your birthright as a free creature of your own land. Resist those who would corral and enslave you. Do not become like sheep and cattle.
Tom Pain
Identity cards are about one thing only, control. The government wants to control you, to tag you with Oyster cards and car tracking, to watch you on surveillance cameras, and to decide your entitlements and ultimately whether you live or die.
They are already persecuting you, revoking your ancient rights, selling you out to big business. But you are wild, and you should be free. They want to tame you. Don't lose your birthright as a free creature of your own land. Resist those who would corral and enslave you. Do not become like sheep and cattle.
Tom Pain
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Rimbaud in chains
Pete Doherty's Pentonville diary (Guardian)
[January 29]
I see paint-cracked walls stained with shite
Long long lock-up days
Cold lonely nights
And I think to myself ... what a wonderful world
I see men touching fists
Saying "watcha bruv"
Screams from below
Shit parcels from above
And I think to myself ...
I see my true love
On a Rimmel advert
In case you didn't get that nice allusion, the current Rimmel girl is one Ms Kate Moss, whom he nearly landed across the road in Holloway. "Jingle jangle of the gaoler's bangle" - do you think he's read Borstal Boy?
Noël Knowall
[January 29]
I see paint-cracked walls stained with shite
Long long lock-up days
Cold lonely nights
And I think to myself ... what a wonderful world
I see men touching fists
Saying "watcha bruv"
Screams from below
Shit parcels from above
And I think to myself ...
I see my true love
On a Rimmel advert
In case you didn't get that nice allusion, the current Rimmel girl is one Ms Kate Moss, whom he nearly landed across the road in Holloway. "Jingle jangle of the gaoler's bangle" - do you think he's read Borstal Boy?
Noël Knowall
Friday, February 10, 2006
Where the Willy leads...
Purchased at 7:15 a.m, minus 4 degrees Celcius outside a London underground station from a merry chap calling on commuters to support the Gate Gourmet strikers. We had "Outsourcing Torture" as a headline some days earlier.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Campbell's hogwash - 57 varieties*
Advertisement by Gombeen™
Alistair Campbell is so far up himself it's grotesque. People with such pervasive delusional traits, including him and that other poodlefaker Tony Blair, should be debarred from any responsible position in public life.
*As seen on BBC2 (Newsnight, February 8th.)
Alistair Campbell is so far up himself it's grotesque. People with such pervasive delusional traits, including him and that other poodlefaker Tony Blair, should be debarred from any responsible position in public life.
*As seen on BBC2 (Newsnight, February 8th.)
Monday, February 06, 2006
By order of the WRMC steering committee
Letters
I appeal to your readers to realise that the use of non-rotary mowers is forbidden on pain of death by the Willesden Rotary Mower Club. Worshippers at WRMC High Temple were reminded by Her Eminence, Engineer Alma Dinnerjacket this Monday (our Sabbath), of the verse in the Holy Manual which permits believers to put to death users of both petrol and hover mowers alike. We hold it self-evident that the use of non-rotary mowers is highly offensive to every single one of our followers, and therefore we claim our right under the relevant legislation not to be offended. I urge all citizens of this contingent state to desist from further provocations, until the Day of Lawn when all will be judged by Prince Rotor (praise be His name).
Rev. Mechanic I. Draper (WRMC)
I appeal to your readers to realise that the use of non-rotary mowers is forbidden on pain of death by the Willesden Rotary Mower Club. Worshippers at WRMC High Temple were reminded by Her Eminence, Engineer Alma Dinnerjacket this Monday (our Sabbath), of the verse in the Holy Manual which permits believers to put to death users of both petrol and hover mowers alike. We hold it self-evident that the use of non-rotary mowers is highly offensive to every single one of our followers, and therefore we claim our right under the relevant legislation not to be offended. I urge all citizens of this contingent state to desist from further provocations, until the Day of Lawn when all will be judged by Prince Rotor (praise be His name).
Rev. Mechanic I. Draper (WRMC)
Friday, February 03, 2006
Call that news?
Lying liar lied
"The revelation that Mr Blair had supported the US president's plans to go to war with Iraq even in the absence of a second UN resolution contrasts with the assurances the prime minister gave parliament shortly after. On February 23 2003 - three weeks after his trip to Washington - Mr Blair told the Commons that the government was giving 'Saddam one further final chance to disarm voluntarily'.
He added: 'Even now, today, we are offering Saddam the prospect of voluntary disarmament through the UN. I detest his regime - I hope most people do - but even now, he could save it by complying with the UN's demand. Even now, we are prepared to go the extra step to achieve disarmament peacefully.'"
"The revelation that Mr Blair had supported the US president's plans to go to war with Iraq even in the absence of a second UN resolution contrasts with the assurances the prime minister gave parliament shortly after. On February 23 2003 - three weeks after his trip to Washington - Mr Blair told the Commons that the government was giving 'Saddam one further final chance to disarm voluntarily'.
He added: 'Even now, today, we are offering Saddam the prospect of voluntary disarmament through the UN. I detest his regime - I hope most people do - but even now, he could save it by complying with the UN's demand. Even now, we are prepared to go the extra step to achieve disarmament peacefully.'"
Thursday, February 02, 2006
On this day +12 and a different month, 2003*
Letters
Dear Feargal
Despite your outrageous heightism, I would be very happy to take up your case with the Council re speeding traffic on All Souls Avenue.
Would you mind contacting me with further details about the incident(s) and your contact address so that I can do this?
Best wishes
Sarah
Sarah Teather**
[Then] Liberal Democrat Parliamentary Spokesperson for Brent East**
www.brentlibdems.org.uk
*From WH August 2003
**Subsequently the Rt. Hon. of that ilk, MP
Dear Feargal
Despite your outrageous heightism, I would be very happy to take up your case with the Council re speeding traffic on All Souls Avenue.
Would you mind contacting me with further details about the incident(s) and your contact address so that I can do this?
Best wishes
Sarah
Sarah Teather**
[Then] Liberal Democrat Parliamentary Spokesperson for Brent East**
www.brentlibdems.org.uk
*From WH August 2003
**Subsequently the Rt. Hon. of that ilk, MP
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Of mice and elephants
Hamas win, Condie perplexed
"It's about the consequences of the last decade of Israeli and American policies toward the Palestinians in general, and Islamist resistance movements in particular." (Rami G. Khouri)
Do you think they'll wake Sharon up now?
Zoz
"It's about the consequences of the last decade of Israeli and American policies toward the Palestinians in general, and Islamist resistance movements in particular." (Rami G. Khouri)
Do you think they'll wake Sharon up now?
Zoz
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
You know what we're going to say
Government Defeated On Race Hate Bill (Skynews)
"MPs voted by 288 to 278 to back a key Lords amendment to the Racial and Religious Hatred Bill."
Once again, what else can we say only 'It was the 'sden wot won it.'
"MPs voted by 288 to 278 to back a key Lords amendment to the Racial and Religious Hatred Bill."
Once again, what else can we say only 'It was the 'sden wot won it.'
Religious hatred bill - vote tonight
Guardian Unlimited | Polly Toynbee
"In this inquisition of a bill, religion will become a minefield, a no-go area in the world of ideas. Before you speak or write, ask yourself not only if you intend to abuse and insult, but if you are 'reckless' about any insult that may unwittingly be caused to someone somewhere?"
Oh. The Herald thought it was a bill to make hatred of Religion compulsory, which sounded reasonable enough. Children should be taught that religion is a stupefying narcotic and a cancer of the intellect. They should be protected from indoctrination by its witch doctors. Right, vote against the bill then.
Feargal Mooney
Voodoo is crap
Preachers are allowed, encouraged, even subsidised by the state to brainwash children with irrational, archaic, erroneous and divisive nonsense, in all of its virulently incompatible varieties. From animists to zoroastrians, the robed and peremptory organisations that brought you superstition, burnings, stonings and mutilation are now to be immune from ridicule and contemptuous comment - all they deserve. People of reason are to be subjected to imprisonment for telling the truth, that religion is crap, that their gods have no clothes.
Ossian Lennon
Internal memo
Steady on now lads. Can you just run this past our lawyer first, please! Cut this out for the time being till old Mr Scrotum has a look at it, would you. Or we'll all be "coming down with long faces, sixes and sevens" as the fella in the cells awaiting his hearing before Lord Justice Bung-Wallah said. The thought of having to share a cell with that geezer Rushdie makes Room 101 sound like Butlins.
Red Woodward
This article is not endorsed by George Bush, Osama Bin Laden or Joseph Kony. (Feargal)
Update: But it may be endorsed by the Rev. Ian Paisley. (Ossian)
Can we get a quote from Mary Kony? (Red)
"In this inquisition of a bill, religion will become a minefield, a no-go area in the world of ideas. Before you speak or write, ask yourself not only if you intend to abuse and insult, but if you are 'reckless' about any insult that may unwittingly be caused to someone somewhere?"
Oh. The Herald thought it was a bill to make hatred of Religion compulsory, which sounded reasonable enough. Children should be taught that religion is a stupefying narcotic and a cancer of the intellect. They should be protected from indoctrination by its witch doctors. Right, vote against the bill then.
Feargal Mooney
Voodoo is crap
Preachers are allowed, encouraged, even subsidised by the state to brainwash children with irrational, archaic, erroneous and divisive nonsense, in all of its virulently incompatible varieties. From animists to zoroastrians, the robed and peremptory organisations that brought you superstition, burnings, stonings and mutilation are now to be immune from ridicule and contemptuous comment - all they deserve. People of reason are to be subjected to imprisonment for telling the truth, that religion is crap, that their gods have no clothes.
Ossian Lennon
Internal memo
Steady on now lads. Can you just run this past our lawyer first, please! Cut this out for the time being till old Mr Scrotum has a look at it, would you. Or we'll all be "coming down with long faces, sixes and sevens" as the fella in the cells awaiting his hearing before Lord Justice Bung-Wallah said. The thought of having to share a cell with that geezer Rushdie makes Room 101 sound like Butlins.
Red Woodward
This article is not endorsed by George Bush, Osama Bin Laden or Joseph Kony. (Feargal)
Update: But it may be endorsed by the Rev. Ian Paisley. (Ossian)
Can we get a quote from Mary Kony? (Red)
Monday, January 30, 2006
To a young woman*
Never trust any man's love;
He is out to trample and leave you.
The flattery that turns your head
Is an insult wrapped up in a lie.
A flatterer is a deceiver
Who slanders you to his friends
And chases another woman
As soon as you turn your back.
Look for one who asks nothing
And gives all without a second thought,
One who will not tell your sins
Or belittle your wounded soul.
Within that person's eyes
You will find there in your mirror
The only one who knows
Just how beautiful you are.
--
Stephen Moran
*Irish; author unknown; 10th century original
He is out to trample and leave you.
The flattery that turns your head
Is an insult wrapped up in a lie.
A flatterer is a deceiver
Who slanders you to his friends
And chases another woman
As soon as you turn your back.
Look for one who asks nothing
And gives all without a second thought,
One who will not tell your sins
Or belittle your wounded soul.
Within that person's eyes
You will find there in your mirror
The only one who knows
Just how beautiful you are.
--
Stephen Moran
*Irish; author unknown; 10th century original
So much to ignore, so little time
From: British Council - New Writing Anthology 13
"We are now accepting submissions for New Writing 15. Writers from, or resident in, the UK and the Commonwealth are encouraged to submit short stories, poetry, literary essays, memoirs, biography and fiction. This could be an extract from a work in progress. Writers who are not from, or residents in, the UK and the Commonwealth are not eligible to apply. The deadline for submissions for New Writing 15 is 30 April 2006. (Details)"
If you're prepared to lock your work in their cellar for two years...
Ossian
"We are now accepting submissions for New Writing 15. Writers from, or resident in, the UK and the Commonwealth are encouraged to submit short stories, poetry, literary essays, memoirs, biography and fiction. This could be an extract from a work in progress. Writers who are not from, or residents in, the UK and the Commonwealth are not eligible to apply. The deadline for submissions for New Writing 15 is 30 April 2006. (Details)"
If you're prepared to lock your work in their cellar for two years...
Ossian
Sack Nero Blair
The lying, warmongering twister should be propelled from the Labour party with a hefty boot to his Bush-buggered arse. He's more or less admitted he's a Tory, so why suffer any interference from him with the school system before he's trashed? Let Tories implement Tory policies, if they think they can get elected.
Every school should have a catchment area that determines its intake, completely, period. Your children should mix with the rest of the children in your neighbourhood, no matter how big a snob or moneygrabber you are. Leadership is what's needed, not spineless servility to conniving, self-serving liars trying to break the ladder of opportunity they themselves climbed.
Zoz
Every school should have a catchment area that determines its intake, completely, period. Your children should mix with the rest of the children in your neighbourhood, no matter how big a snob or moneygrabber you are. Leadership is what's needed, not spineless servility to conniving, self-serving liars trying to break the ladder of opportunity they themselves climbed.
Zoz
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Greatest hits
Most of the visitors to this site come from Google images and other image search sites. The most popular items are those with the pictures named exactly after what the searchers are looking for. For example:
Swimmer in the sea (no. 1 and 2 simultaneously, like The Beatles)
Beanstalk (5th in the world)
Consideration (also 5th)
They are watching (9th)
Bill and Andrew (9th)
Placards (18th)
There are many more. Until recently, we used to be in the top list for Batmobile but somebody must have corrected that, maybe after complaints from irate users. Pictures that are not displayed, only linked, seem to score far higher. That will be because Google thinks users have found what they were looking for when they go off to follow the link. Hah, gotcha. That's probably why Batmobile has slipped down the charts, since it was displayed recently after only being a link for a long time. [What are you on about, Simon?Ed]
Apart from images we get a lot of people looking for massage parlours in Willesden, Cricklewood, and as far a(non)field as Colindale. There used to be a lot of searchers for Munchkins Syndrome by Proxy, which is something a lot of people have heard about, but again some officious person must have submitted a correction.
I have been asked to remind visitors that all the images are copyright, and to contact Mr O'Neill in Marketing for our pricelist.
Simon Moribund
Advertisements by Gombeen™
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Swimmer in the sea (no. 1 and 2 simultaneously, like The Beatles)
Beanstalk (5th in the world)
Consideration (also 5th)
They are watching (9th)
Bill and Andrew (9th)
Placards (18th)
There are many more. Until recently, we used to be in the top list for Batmobile but somebody must have corrected that, maybe after complaints from irate users. Pictures that are not displayed, only linked, seem to score far higher. That will be because Google thinks users have found what they were looking for when they go off to follow the link. Hah, gotcha. That's probably why Batmobile has slipped down the charts, since it was displayed recently after only being a link for a long time. [What are you on about, Simon?Ed]
Apart from images we get a lot of people looking for massage parlours in Willesden, Cricklewood, and as far a(non)field as Colindale. There used to be a lot of searchers for Munchkins Syndrome by Proxy, which is something a lot of people have heard about, but again some officious person must have submitted a correction.
I have been asked to remind visitors that all the images are copyright, and to contact Mr O'Neill in Marketing for our pricelist.
Simon Moribund
Advertisements by Gombeen™
Friday, January 27, 2006
Chief putz
Met Chief Apologises
"The country's most senior police chief has apologised for saying he did not understand why the Soham murders became 'the biggest story in Britain'." (Skynews)
Idiots will always be with us, but do we have to put them in charge of government and policing?
"The country's most senior police chief has apologised for saying he did not understand why the Soham murders became 'the biggest story in Britain'." (Skynews)
Idiots will always be with us, but do we have to put them in charge of government and policing?
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Stand by for writ
You've Been Maimed Paramount Comedy, 2005
You've Been Maimed © Willesden Herald, 2003
Paramount, kindly accompany us to the cleaners.
You've Been Maimed © Willesden Herald, 2003
Paramount, kindly accompany us to the cleaners.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
What Billy Joel forgot to mention
We did start the fire
"Did anyone ever discuss how we obliterated
Dresden, for no strategic reason, or caused
more civilian death and devastation there and
in the fire bombing of Tokyo than with
the atom bombs we dropped?
Why didn’t I know that General Electric
got off with a fine and hand slaps
for colluding with the Nazis or that IBM set up
the Nazi’s record keeping or that we refused
to bomb the railroad tracks that carried the
freight cars full of Jews to their destination?
Can we guess why our bombs never touched
the Krupp arms factory?"
From March 18, 2003 by Michael Lally
Ossian
"Did anyone ever discuss how we obliterated
Dresden, for no strategic reason, or caused
more civilian death and devastation there and
in the fire bombing of Tokyo than with
the atom bombs we dropped?
Why didn’t I know that General Electric
got off with a fine and hand slaps
for colluding with the Nazis or that IBM set up
the Nazi’s record keeping or that we refused
to bomb the railroad tracks that carried the
freight cars full of Jews to their destination?
Can we guess why our bombs never touched
the Krupp arms factory?"
From March 18, 2003 by Michael Lally
Ossian
Jazz and the poet
When I Met You
"A new CD of songs arranged and performed by Elya Finn with lyrics by poet Michael Rothenberg." You can listen to generous excerpts online, till you're driven mad to find out the second half of each song.
Ossian
"A new CD of songs arranged and performed by Elya Finn with lyrics by poet Michael Rothenberg." You can listen to generous excerpts online, till you're driven mad to find out the second half of each song.
Ossian
Monday, January 23, 2006
Re-release*
Unusually, no revisions were needed for the new edition.
*"Things That Have Gone Right Since I Took Office" by George W. Bush (Postage Stamp Press, 2006)
Saturday, January 21, 2006
The old pond. A woman jumps in. Buy her.
Women for sale on eBay
"...searching for ['Japanese Women Poets'] on Google, I got the following, listed alongside the results:
Discount Japanese Women
New & used selection. Japanese Women for sale. (eBay)
Women For Sale
Low Priced Women. Big Selection! (eBay)"
And here's a screenshot (pdf) if you don't believe it.
"...searching for ['Japanese Women Poets'] on Google, I got the following, listed alongside the results:
Discount Japanese Women
New & used selection. Japanese Women for sale. (eBay)
Women For Sale
Low Priced Women. Big Selection! (eBay)"
And here's a screenshot (pdf) if you don't believe it.
Friday, January 20, 2006
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