now incorporating the Sudbury Hill and Wood End Times

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Outsourcing torture

Torture flights: what No 10 knew and tried to cover up

"The document shows that the government has been aware of secret interrogation centres, despite ministers' denials. It admits that the government has no idea whether individuals seized by British troops in Iraq or Afghanistan have been sent to the secret centres." (Guardian)

You torture our detainees and we'll torture yours. And nobody will be any the wiser. Brought to you by Fathers for Injustice.

16 comments:

Pressed Secretary said...

from No 101, Downing St.

Mr Blair has been asked about these allegations and he said that he shops at Sainsbury's and that the children of the middle class should be sent to state schools.

When pressed he refused to become orange juice.

I think that this proves that Mr Blair didn't know nuffink and all this comes as a surprise to him and bullshit blather wibble ad nauseam with contempt yours truly the saviour of mankind if only the bastards will tell us what they know and if they drown we accept they are inncocent of thinking nasty stuff about how we view what it is to be human blather blather that's enough Butler Hutton proved I'm a straight sort of guy and anyway it's Galloway who's the cunt and if we could get away with it we'd we'd we'd rip his balls off and make ballot papers out of them, so I think you'll agree I'm a chirpy chappie and let's just move on, I really can't see what good comes from blather bullshit wibble...

[message ends]

A. Shameless-Functionary
101 Downing Street.

jack strawman said...

Listen, let me make this perfectly clear...I've said it before and I'll say it again...oh, what's that, look over there, a beautiful golden birdie!

Geoff Spooned said...

Yes, I must agree and I'd like to make one further, crucial point...Oh!! What's that?? Look!! Behind you!!

P. Pilate said...

We've no idea whether individuals seized by us have been sent to Eton or London Oratory. They might have been, who knows? We just seize individuals, somebody else processes them.

Semper Fido said...

We're not poodles, we're attack dogs. The yanks say "Seize 'em" and we jump. Actually they say "Sic 'em" but we know what they mean. They sign with an X too. They also say, "Render unto seizer what is seizers." That's special rendition, as ordained by the good book, the way they heard it.

Ibrahim (real name withheld by request) said...

I must say that I was kidnapped and tortured and it didn't do me any harm. And I didn't know anything so they had to be rather forceful with me but I have no hard feelings at all. I don't know what all the fuss is about.

the whips office said...

We rest our case.

rainbow spike said...

is ibrahim's testimony really real?

the whips office said...

yes

rainbow spike said...

wow! it's not as bad as I thought then.

the whips office said...

tell your friends.

A concerned taxpayer said...

The cost to the taxpayer of flying these people to other places to be tortured is an outrage. they should be tortured here but humanely. I have studied their religion and suggest that a sound beating with past-their-sell-date pork sausages (come on Sainsbury's and Tesco, it would cost you nothing)would have them singing like canaries.

Arthur Brain

Mattheus Rosé - Emeritus Professor of Psychology said...

There is always an obvious solution staring politicians in the face but which they are too foolish to notice. In this case it's simple and virtually cost-free and will almost certainly ensure that no innocent people are thrashed..

Every year 33,000 illegally imported parrots are impounded at Heathrow. Each suspect should have a parrot attached to them (maybe to their shoulder?) and they should be required to attend a police station once a week where a police officer will listen to the parrot. If the parrot says anything suspicious (such as "I'm calling from London. Can I speak to the head terrorist please?") then the person should certainly be arrested and interrogated in the usual fashion. In these instances I don't think any reasonable person would object to them being flown to Jordan or Egypt to see what information a little bit of electricity fed up their rectums (recta?) elicits. It would be obvious that they have been up to no good and patently in the public interest to determine exactly what has occurred.

M.Rosé

Emmanuelle Dubrovnik said...

semper fido is quite correct in his Biblical interpretation. It is clear in the Bible that Our Holy Father decrees that fanaticism can be fought by severe means in order to keep us safe in His Loving Embrace. If torture can keep us safe In His Love and defeat the fanatics then we shouldn't shy from it. Look at Sodom and Gomorrah. In the words of the Book...kill them all and let God sort them out.

Down with the fanatics!
Thank goodness that Blair and Bush are willing to take on religious fanatics.

semper fido is quite correct in his Biblical interpretation. It is clear in the Bible that Our Holy Father decrees that fanaticism can be fought by severe means in order to keep us safe in His Loving Embrace. If torture can keep us safe In His Love and defeat the fanatics then we shouldn't shy from it. Look at Sodom and Gomorrah. In the words of the Book...kill them all and let God sort them out.

Thank goodness that His servants, Blair and Bush, are ready to take on the fanatics.

Down with the fanatics!


Emmanuelle Dubrovnik
Junior Leader
Bible Fellowhip
Church of the Holy Slayer
Trinity Road.

Gladys Abanjo said...

Twice! A miracle! A Sign!

Praise Be!


Gladys Abanjo

Godfrey Brittan-Merricker said...

If any of these detainees had an ounce of Christianity injected into them, they would realise that it's all for their own good. Even if mistakes are made they have the satisfaction of knowing that they are contributing to the war on Turr [spelling?]. They should all be like Ibrahim there and stop moaning and crying, and I'm sorry to say but yes, messing up the floor wherever they are photographed. Not very British.