Now incorporating The Sudbury Hill Harrow and Wherever End Times

Thursday, April 24, 2003

Solar shrinkage crisis

Feargal Mooney

Worried scientists have been studying photographs from Willesden that appear to show the sun at only a fraction of its former size. Officials say there's nothing they can do to prevent the sun from going out, but there is no need to panic. As a prudent measure people should consider whether they want to bring forward family plans for holidays, marriages and community religious half-drowning of babies or cutting bits off type ceremonies. If the shrinkage continues police say they are likely to turn a blind eye to minor offences. They may also release their stocks of seized drugs for free distribution. However Commissioner Poltroon stated that there would be no amnesty for parking or traffic offences in the last week of life on Earth.

The following pictures show the shocking extent to which the sun has declined.

still a few days left

This picture was taken on March 26th (SS Bernadine of Fossa, Braulio of Saragossa, Castulus, martyr & Dismas the Good Thief, martyr.)


oh what is the bloody point

Our photographer (Ossian Lennon) went a bit artistic this evening and entitled this one "Lilac Sunset #1." (Photographers, please see Situations Vacant.) Unfotunately, it's not clear whether the sun has continued to shrink, but it shows that the lilacs are still out in Willesden today.


More astronomical worries

A leaked report states that the moon was seen to swell to ten times its normal size on occasions during the last year. No further details are available. Some experts are said to be more worried by this phenomenon than by the shrinkage of the sun, as the moon is a bit too close to the earth for comfort.

Did you know?

On a lighter note, can you explain the origin of the term "once in a blue moon"? (See below for answer.)

Answer: A blue moon is the second full moon in a single month. This happens only rarely, hence the term "once in a blue moon." More posers will be featured from time to time.

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