Saturday, April 29, 2006
Friday, April 21, 2006
New Labour on the take
Academy sponsorship linked to sale of peerages: Arrest
"Des Smith, a head teacher and former adviser to the Specialist Schools and Academies Trust (SSAT), which recruits sponsors for the city academies...boasted to the undercover reporter that he was a regular visitor to Downing Street...Friends of...the curry magnate whose peerage was blocked by the commission because of his secret loan, said he was told by Lord Levy not to declare it." (Times Online)
We revealed this special government offer ("buy two schools and get a free peerage") two weeks before the arrests began. It's just as seamy as the Reagan "Arms for Iran" scandal.
"Des Smith, a head teacher and former adviser to the Specialist Schools and Academies Trust (SSAT), which recruits sponsors for the city academies...boasted to the undercover reporter that he was a regular visitor to Downing Street...Friends of...the curry magnate whose peerage was blocked by the commission because of his secret loan, said he was told by Lord Levy not to declare it." (Times Online)
We revealed this special government offer ("buy two schools and get a free peerage") two weeks before the arrests began. It's just as seamy as the Reagan "Arms for Iran" scandal.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Lay off SuperBuro*
Letters
There has been much excited talk about the identity of SuperBuro, the guardian of our beloved Toyocracy. This sort of speculation is not at all helpful at this time. It is essential for SuperBuro's work that his identity remain secret, and careless talk is liable to put Toyocracy and our people in more danger. Therefore I call on the media to desist from spreading rumours, and allow SuperBuro to choose the timing of his interventions without undue pressure. Fellow officials, we have achieved much but there is still much to do: the people still have money, the people still have time. As long as these resources are at our disposal and with the help of God and SuperBuro, our work must continue.
Gordon Brown
From Papertown
*Please report any sightings of SuperBuro to our newsdesk, especially if you manage to get a picture. Under no circumstances should you attempt to pull the mask off his face, as this can be fatal for superheroes. Ed
There has been much excited talk about the identity of SuperBuro, the guardian of our beloved Toyocracy. This sort of speculation is not at all helpful at this time. It is essential for SuperBuro's work that his identity remain secret, and careless talk is liable to put Toyocracy and our people in more danger. Therefore I call on the media to desist from spreading rumours, and allow SuperBuro to choose the timing of his interventions without undue pressure. Fellow officials, we have achieved much but there is still much to do: the people still have money, the people still have time. As long as these resources are at our disposal and with the help of God and SuperBuro, our work must continue.
Gordon Brown
From Papertown
*Please report any sightings of SuperBuro to our newsdesk, especially if you manage to get a picture. Under no circumstances should you attempt to pull the mask off his face, as this can be fatal for superheroes. Ed
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
Say Uncle
"When can I drive the car, Uncle Tony?"
"Soon Gordon - soon, when you're a big boy. (And I'll buy you another ice cream.)"
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Faux-communist kleptocrats smash the poor
The Human Cost Of Booming China
"The local media is afraid to report what has been happening, but the people affected have spoken out. One woman said: 'They're stealing our homes, it's theft, just theft. 'The poor have no human rights, no way of surviving. We've been everywhere for help.'
"Other people have shot footage including pictures of an elderly man being carried out of his home sobbing. Other film shows villagers being ousted from their land, with groups of hired thugs attacking residents and meeting stiff resistance.
"While many of the poor now live in slums, others are making huge sums of money from China's property boom. There is a land grab on an unprecedented scale and the full force of the state is being used to stop any opposition." (Skynews)
Zoz
"The local media is afraid to report what has been happening, but the people affected have spoken out. One woman said: 'They're stealing our homes, it's theft, just theft. 'The poor have no human rights, no way of surviving. We've been everywhere for help.'
"Other people have shot footage including pictures of an elderly man being carried out of his home sobbing. Other film shows villagers being ousted from their land, with groups of hired thugs attacking residents and meeting stiff resistance.
"While many of the poor now live in slums, others are making huge sums of money from China's property boom. There is a land grab on an unprecedented scale and the full force of the state is being used to stop any opposition." (Skynews)
Zoz
Monday, April 10, 2006
Bomber Bush trigger happy again
The Iran Plans
"The Bush Administration, while publicly advocating diplomacy in order to stop Iran from pursuing a nuclear weapon, has increased clandestine activities inside Iran and intensified planning for a possible major air attack. Current and former American military and intelligence officials said that Air Force planning groups are drawing up lists of targets, and teams of American combat troops have been ordered into Iran, under cover, to collect targeting data and to establish contact with anti-government ethnic-minority groups. The officials say that President Bush is determined to deny the Iranian regime the opportunity to begin a pilot program, planned for this spring, to enrich uranium." (Seymour Hersh in The New Yorker)
It goes on to talk about the use of "tactical nuclear weapons". I think the game is called "I'm a bigger tyrant than you" and it's all about how many ordinary people they can kill.
Zoz
"The Bush Administration, while publicly advocating diplomacy in order to stop Iran from pursuing a nuclear weapon, has increased clandestine activities inside Iran and intensified planning for a possible major air attack. Current and former American military and intelligence officials said that Air Force planning groups are drawing up lists of targets, and teams of American combat troops have been ordered into Iran, under cover, to collect targeting data and to establish contact with anti-government ethnic-minority groups. The officials say that President Bush is determined to deny the Iranian regime the opportunity to begin a pilot program, planned for this spring, to enrich uranium." (Seymour Hersh in The New Yorker)
It goes on to talk about the use of "tactical nuclear weapons". I think the game is called "I'm a bigger tyrant than you" and it's all about how many ordinary people they can kill.
Zoz
Friday, April 07, 2006
Last night's dream corrected*
Publishing sensation
London's literati turned out in force for the launch of two new anthologies from the outrageous Pretend Genius Press.
So engrossed in their reading, they hardly noticed as the staff turned off the lights, fell asleep behind the bar, and night turned to dawn.
*"Fish Drink Like Us" + "Last Night's Dream Corrected" (Link)
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London's literati turned out in force for the launch of two new anthologies from the outrageous Pretend Genius Press.
So engrossed in their reading, they hardly noticed as the staff turned off the lights, fell asleep behind the bar, and night turned to dawn.
*"Fish Drink Like Us" + "Last Night's Dream Corrected" (Link)
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Save Harvey!
Snipers Guard Against Monster Rabbit
"'We are dealing with a monster. It is absolutely massive. The first time I saw it I thought to myself `What the hell is that?'
'I have seen its prints and they are huge, bigger than a deer. It is a brute of a thing.'
Mr Smith added: 'We have two lads here with guns who are trying to shoot it, but it is clever. They never see it.' " (Skynews)
These are the same people who persecuted E.T.
"'We are dealing with a monster. It is absolutely massive. The first time I saw it I thought to myself `What the hell is that?'
'I have seen its prints and they are huge, bigger than a deer. It is a brute of a thing.'
Mr Smith added: 'We have two lads here with guns who are trying to shoot it, but it is clever. They never see it.' " (Skynews)
These are the same people who persecuted E.T.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
John McGahern
Obituary in the Times
“I must have been extraordinarily happy walking that lane to school. There are many such lanes all around where I live and in certain rare moments over the years while walking in these lanes I have come into an extraordinary sense of security, a deep peace, in which I feel that I can live for ever.” (McGahern about walks to school with his mother)
I idolised John McGahern in a way that would surely have horrified him. He was dreadfully shy. I'm not going to tell you what a fan I was over him, thirty very odd years ago -it's too embarrassing. I think I've read nearly everything he wrote, except "Memoir", which I heard him read on Radio 4's Book at Bedtime.
I was lucky enough to see and hear him at the Small Wonder short story festival last September, which I wrote about here. He was amusing and generous with his readings and the question and answer session. He asked the audience what they wanted to hear and they opted for a scene from Memoir, which he retold without appearing to read from the book. It was about an occasion when his father had him by one ear to drag him to a football match, and a priest had him by the other ear insisting that he come to Sunday school, and it was outlandishly funny.
His prose is the most meticulously self-effacing of any writer I've read. Just one little example, he would write "small coloured lights" where a lesser author would write "fairy lights" or "christmas lights". That example is from "That they may face the rising sun" (renamed "By the Lake" for the US). The Times obituary calls it a book "in which nothing happens". Funny, because everything in life and death happens in it, but that's nothing apparently.
Ossian
“I must have been extraordinarily happy walking that lane to school. There are many such lanes all around where I live and in certain rare moments over the years while walking in these lanes I have come into an extraordinary sense of security, a deep peace, in which I feel that I can live for ever.” (McGahern about walks to school with his mother)
I idolised John McGahern in a way that would surely have horrified him. He was dreadfully shy. I'm not going to tell you what a fan I was over him, thirty very odd years ago -it's too embarrassing. I think I've read nearly everything he wrote, except "Memoir", which I heard him read on Radio 4's Book at Bedtime.
I was lucky enough to see and hear him at the Small Wonder short story festival last September, which I wrote about here. He was amusing and generous with his readings and the question and answer session. He asked the audience what they wanted to hear and they opted for a scene from Memoir, which he retold without appearing to read from the book. It was about an occasion when his father had him by one ear to drag him to a football match, and a priest had him by the other ear insisting that he come to Sunday school, and it was outlandishly funny.
His prose is the most meticulously self-effacing of any writer I've read. Just one little example, he would write "small coloured lights" where a lesser author would write "fairy lights" or "christmas lights". That example is from "That they may face the rising sun" (renamed "By the Lake" for the US). The Times obituary calls it a book "in which nothing happens". Funny, because everything in life and death happens in it, but that's nothing apparently.
Ossian
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Targeting the wrong Antichrist?
As well as the usual mini-cab cards, pizza menus, flyers from builders and offers by east European domestics, lately the letterbox at Herald House is littered with demented religious calling cards. And it looks like there's a new show on at the old comedy theatre on the corner of Church Road.
"Miracles Signs & Wonders Ministries: Restoration of Lives and Needs. Jesus is Lord, Jesus is Lord, how can an-* "
Targeting the wrong Antichrist due to faulty intelligence? Lo, your problems are over. "Exposing The Dangerous End Time Errors About The Antichrist And The Secret Rapture"
Male problems? No worries, you're in good company. "Behold I come quickly," saith the Lord.
*-yone fall for this transparent, clapped-out gibberish? Ed
"Miracles Signs & Wonders Ministries: Restoration of Lives and Needs. Jesus is Lord, Jesus is Lord, how can an-* "
Targeting the wrong Antichrist due to faulty intelligence? Lo, your problems are over. "Exposing The Dangerous End Time Errors About The Antichrist And The Secret Rapture"
Male problems? No worries, you're in good company. "Behold I come quickly," saith the Lord.
*-yone fall for this transparent, clapped-out gibberish? Ed
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Thursday, March 30, 2006
Unrepeatable offer - for a limited time only
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Academies Among Worst Schools In UK
"Seven of the 13 privately-sponsored academies, which have been open long enough to provide results, appeared in the table of the worst 200 state schools in England." (Skynews)
In the light of reports such as the above, and others ("Creme de la Creme: rich and thick" etc.) we at New Improved Labour (Priorities:War, War & War Education, Education & Education) recognise that we need to step up our efforts in this area and that is why we are offering you the bargain of the century.
Special offer: buy one school, get one free! And now for a limited time only, with a free peerage thrown in. Suits you, Your Lordship! Sick of modern science, why not teach your own version?
Just cut out the coupon below, fill in your chosen peer title (subject to availability) sign and post together with your donation to, Schools and Peerages Offer, New Improved Labour, 16 Old Queen Steet, London SW1H 9HP.
Academies Among Worst Schools In UK
"Seven of the 13 privately-sponsored academies, which have been open long enough to provide results, appeared in the table of the worst 200 state schools in England." (Skynews)
In the light of reports such as the above, and others ("Creme de la Creme: rich and thick" etc.) we at New Improved Labour (Priorities:
Special offer: buy one school, get one free! And now for a limited time only, with a free peerage thrown in. Suits you, Your Lordship! Sick of modern science, why not teach your own version?
Just cut out the coupon below, fill in your chosen peer title (subject to availability) sign and post together with your donation to, Schools and Peerages Offer, New Improved Labour, 16 Old Queen Steet, London SW1H 9HP.
|
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Ho
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Westwords Festival
The festival has been underway since the beginning of March, as usual we are up to the minute here, and all we know about it is that it is a huge showcase solely for the purpose of shilling our own Willesden writers' group anthology, The Monkey's Typewriter (isbn 0953019551, now with extra deluxe Raymond Williams award sticker). Never mind all the other famous writers involved.
Every one of the reporters here has been so enthralled with the readings that they forgot to post details of events for all the hundreds and thousands eager to descend upon such trifles.
Another shilling please for Fish Drink Like Us, a new anthology*, from which "Time Out, Carmencita" by Stephen Moran has had audience members throwing away their emotional crutches at these readings, and falling into hysterics. There's another one tomorrow night but if you suffer from weak sides please don't risk it.
Noël Knowall (The Arts)
*Pretend Genius Press, April 2006, isbn 097785261X
Westwords Festival
The festival has been underway since the beginning of March, as usual we are up to the minute here, and all we know about it is that it is a huge showcase solely for the purpose of shilling our own Willesden writers' group anthology, The Monkey's Typewriter (isbn 0953019551, now with extra deluxe Raymond Williams award sticker). Never mind all the other famous writers involved.
Every one of the reporters here has been so enthralled with the readings that they forgot to post details of events for all the hundreds and thousands eager to descend upon such trifles.
Another shilling please for Fish Drink Like Us, a new anthology*, from which "Time Out, Carmencita" by Stephen Moran has had audience members throwing away their emotional crutches at these readings, and falling into hysterics. There's another one tomorrow night but if you suffer from weak sides please don't risk it.
- Weds 8th March: Gayton Library, 8pm. Gayton Road, Harrow
- Weds 15th March: Pitshanger Library, 7pm. 143 Pitshanger Lane, Ealing
- Thurs 23rd March: Willesden Green Library, 8pm. 95 High Road, Willesden
- Thurs 30th March: Heston Library, 7.30pm. New Heston Road, TW5
- Weds 5th April: Shepherds Bush Library, 7pm. 7 Uxbridge Road, W12 8LJ
- Mon 10th April: Marylebone Library, 6pm. 109 Marylebone Road, NW1 5PS
- Thurs 20th April: Kensington Library, 7pm. Philimore Walk, Kensington
Noël Knowall (The Arts)
*Pretend Genius Press, April 2006, isbn 097785261X
Monday, March 27, 2006
Death to all apostates
Letters
Afghans protest at Christian's death sentence delay
"Mr Rahman stands accused of apostasy, or abandonment of faith - an offence punishable by hanging" (Guardian)
No less a fate should befall the pigdogs who worship at the cylindrical RM1 brothelshed in Walm Lane. RM is the only true faith, as exemplified by Lord Rotor's only living representative Jeremy and his Holy Uncle, peace be upon them and their Highgate ashram. In the name of the Rotor, the Grassbox and the Holy Roller.
Rev. Mechanic I. Draper (WRMC)
Afghans protest at Christian's death sentence delay
"Mr Rahman stands accused of apostasy, or abandonment of faith - an offence punishable by hanging" (Guardian)
No less a fate should befall the pigdogs who worship at the cylindrical RM1 brothelshed in Walm Lane. RM is the only true faith, as exemplified by Lord Rotor's only living representative Jeremy and his Holy Uncle, peace be upon them and their Highgate ashram. In the name of the Rotor, the Grassbox and the Holy Roller.
Rev. Mechanic I. Draper (WRMC)
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Local boy made good
Guardian Books | Short Stories
"Original fiction: Part-time tiler Mikey Delgado is one of the winners of this year's Willesden Herald short story competition, judged by Zadie Smith. Read his story in full." (Link)
"Original fiction: Part-time tiler Mikey Delgado is one of the winners of this year's Willesden Herald short story competition, judged by Zadie Smith. Read his story in full." (Link)
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Tory education bill passed with Labour support*
Letters
This cartoon in the Guardian, is an insult to pigs. Why are people so beastly to the clever and harmless porcus porcus -just because I don't eat them doesn't mean I wish to see them abused like this. What have they got to do with the excellent new education bill, which we paid good money for? It's thanks to farseeing planners like us that your children won't have to attend the same schools as your neighbours' children. That's choice, I think you'll agree.
Muzzy "Poorboy" Pirbhai (Lord Donor)
*Aides to acting Prime Minister say Cameron elated at result.
This cartoon in the Guardian, is an insult to pigs. Why are people so beastly to the clever and harmless porcus porcus -just because I don't eat them doesn't mean I wish to see them abused like this. What have they got to do with the excellent new education bill, which we paid good money for? It's thanks to farseeing planners like us that your children won't have to attend the same schools as your neighbours' children. That's choice, I think you'll agree.
Muzzy "Poorboy" Pirbhai (Lord Donor)
*Aides to acting Prime Minister say Cameron elated at result.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Short stories: update*
Pretend Genius Press is to publish "Secure" by Mikey Delgado, one of the joint winners of this year's Willesden Herald short story prize, in an anthology entitled "Fish Drink Like Us". Mikey's poetry is also featured in the companion volume entitled "Last Night's Dream Corrected".
Outstanding newcomers are included alongside established and award-winning poets such as Bill Berkson, Joanne Kyger, Michael Rothenberg and the one and only Ira Cohen, who also contributes a prose piece. Each poet has a separate section and the physical and visual pleasures of the book are intended to complement the poetry on the pages.
The fiction collection is characterised by highly developed characterisation, uncompromising directness, engagement, and diversity from the surreal and unconventional to the earthy and hilarious. It contains a wealth of showcase pieces by new and established writers, Timothy Gager, Kenji Siratori, Sean Brijbasi, Amy Muldoon, J. Tyler Blue, Andy Henion, Jeremy BeBeau and many more.
The anthologies have their own rather cool web pages. The covers were created by esteemed artist Stratos Fountoulis. Both books are edited by Feargal Mooney.
*Advertisement by Gombeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen™
Outstanding newcomers are included alongside established and award-winning poets such as Bill Berkson, Joanne Kyger, Michael Rothenberg and the one and only Ira Cohen, who also contributes a prose piece. Each poet has a separate section and the physical and visual pleasures of the book are intended to complement the poetry on the pages.
The fiction collection is characterised by highly developed characterisation, uncompromising directness, engagement, and diversity from the surreal and unconventional to the earthy and hilarious. It contains a wealth of showcase pieces by new and established writers, Timothy Gager, Kenji Siratori, Sean Brijbasi, Amy Muldoon, J. Tyler Blue, Andy Henion, Jeremy BeBeau and many more.
The anthologies have their own rather cool web pages. The covers were created by esteemed artist Stratos Fountoulis. Both books are edited by Feargal Mooney.
*Advertisement by Gombeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen™
Monday, March 13, 2006
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Time Out, Carmencita
I read a bit from the above at Gayton Library tonight to a lot of merriment. Siobhan Curham, who was presiding, asked where people could get the complete story. I mentioned that it's going to be published this April in Fish Drink Like Us, an anthology of new fiction. The promotional website takes quite a while to download but you can bypass the flash intro by clicking on "Skip Intro" which takes you to the books. (Scroll down and click on Enter to see the show.) The covers were designed by Stratos. The books and the website are by Pretend Genius.
Ossian
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Please Mister Ed*
Letters
Thousands detained without trial; torture worse since Abu Ghraib
Let's have some cartoons on this. Bearded blokes shackled in dungeons. Not hostages, the other side. Actually no -- whoever. They always make me laugh, especially in the Reader's Digest.
Harry Lemon
Travel Correspondent
*Great old program! The stalking horse. Ah, the good old days. (Did they ever have torture in those days?) Ed
Thousands detained without trial; torture worse since Abu Ghraib
Let's have some cartoons on this. Bearded blokes shackled in dungeons. Not hostages, the other side. Actually no -- whoever. They always make me laugh, especially in the Reader's Digest.
Harry Lemon
Travel Correspondent
*Great old program! The stalking horse. Ah, the good old days. (Did they ever have torture in those days?) Ed
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Golden Laundromat casinos*
Coming soon to your region. Money for all our friends - by magic! Payoffs? No problem, a night out at the Golden Laundromat casino and a big win guaranteed. Priceless. Hot money from obscure sources, no problem! Let's say I have £100,000 of dirty money, I axe my friend to spend it for me in my casino, he blows £90,000 in my casino he keeps £10,000 and he has a good time. Now I have £90,000 in clean money. Later when Mr Tax Minister wants to know what happened to the money, I misfortunately paid it all out to our friends from abroad who frequent the casino. Everybody wins! Golden Laundromat casinos, where the dirty money goes round and round and comes out spotless.
*A New Labour project
*A New Labour project
Offshore? Let's see who's gonna be offshore
Mr Minister to split from Mrs Minister (Guardian)
He can't split from his partner now* -what about the Super Casinos bill! This is very important to our financial plans. Let's remind him what happened to our friend Mr Calvi.
Don Zabaglione
*Tu est sacerdos in æternam. Ed
He can't split from his partner now* -what about the Super Casinos bill! This is very important to our financial plans. Let's remind him what happened to our friend Mr Calvi.
Don Zabaglione
*Tu est sacerdos in æternam. Ed
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Iran, ancient and modern
 |
| Postcard |
Download our free Iranian Ministry of Tourism computer desktop "wallpaper" by right-clicking above and selecting "Set as background".
Awake! for morning in the bowl of night
Has flung the stone that sets the stars to flight
And lo! the hunter in the east has caught
The sultan's turret in a noose of light
The Persia of Omar Khayyam lives on, in this proud modern state, where we hang homosexual teenagers and our doctors surgically cut out eyes as a judicial punishment. Contact us for details of times and dates.
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