Saturday, May 20, 2006

Scientific blunder

Britain was once a dangerous place to live

"Stone Age skulls from ancient mortuaries show that [between] 4000 and 3200 B.C., Britons had a 1-in-14 chance of being smashed over the head and those injured had a 1-in-50 chance of dying, a recent study reveals." (National Geographic)

Isn't it obvious that the archaeologists have damaged all the skulls with their little hammers. Have they never heard of Occam's razor? It's surprisingly handy for excavating ancient relics.

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Prof. Kronk


Occam (original razor & new ladyrazor) said...

Yes, I liked it so much I bought the company.

Red Woodward (flounder) said...

Well that's obviously not right. Britain was always known as a land where a virgin could walk from Land's End to John O'Groats carrying a bag of gold without ever being bothered. That was until...I don't know when exactly. Feargal will probably tell you.

Feargal Mooney (Editor) said...

You can forget about that. Just today a lady was getting out of a car in Grange Road beside Willesden Library when two young men snatched her handbag and ran off with it into the High Street. Can you picture that scene? Go on, try.

I bet you didn't think it was a black woman robbed by two white youths, but that's what happened.

D. C. Constable (Rastafarian Liaison) said...

I was sorry to hear about that distressing incident yesterday.

If there had been an iPod in the handbag, then we might be able to help. We have a target to reduce theft of those, as announced by the spokesman for the office of the Junior Under-Secretary of the Contracts Best Value Department, Preliminary Consultation Sub-Committee on Featherduster Outsourcing and iPod Theft Trend Reversal.

Unfortunately, I believe the lady was heard to say, "They've taken everything." Unfortunately that probably means personal items, such as money, passport, driving licence, credit cards, mobile phones, housekeys, items of sentimental value such as photographs etc, so I'm afraid it's not our priority at present.

If only she'd said, "They've taken my iPod." Or better still, "They looked like illegal immigrants."

Express Mail Daily, Home Affairs Desk said...

Oh come on officer constable, how could it be illegal immigrants? They are all being shown round their new houses and being given drought-exemption orders for their new taxpayer provided swimming pools, and since they are issued gratis with mobile phones I hardly think they would need to steal this lady's phone.

This sort of crime reeks to me of the wreckers who infest the rump of the trades union movement, probably RMT or FBU members. The country is being wrecked from within by a vile cancer cultured in the test tubes of liberalism and multiculturalism. Why oh why oh why do we stand for (cont page 17,18,19 and 20)

M.Phillips (Ms)