Now incorporating the Sudbury Hill Times. Getting really wintry, isn't it? Well, autumnal to be more precise. So how are you anyway? ... Sheesh. ... Yeah. ... Oh dear. ... Well, take care. Good to see you. I hope you enjoy the show. And don't forget to turn off your mobile phone. ... Thanks. ... Ow! Bloody hell, that hurt! ... No, no, I'm fine. ... Cheers. Yeah, see ya.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Famous writer to judge short story contest

From: The Willesden Herald

Willesden's own Zadie Smith has kindly agreed to judge the Willesden short story prize 2006. If their authors choose to take up the option, the winning stories will be posted here in the new year.

Ossian

Breaking news

Stop Press... Stop... Press... Stop... Press again... Don't stop

Now calm down. The Herald is pleased to announce that Willesden's very own literary star Zadie Smith has kindly agreed to adjudicate our short story contest. In a break from an all-day meeting with his accountants, between the two-thirty and the three o'clock, Herald flounder Eddie 'Red' Woodward said, "I believe the expression I'm looking for is how cool is that."

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Sloe Wine sponsors...

Willesden Herald short story prize 2006

The deadline for entries is December 24th, 2005. Follow link above for full details.

Ossian

The Willesden Short Story Prize 2006

In association with Sloe Wine

First prize: Ed's Big Ugly Mug* (special edition, inscribed Short Story Prize 2006)

Runner-up prize: Mug for Munchkins** (special edition, inscribed Short Story Prize 2006)

There is no theme, and no word limit other than our editorial team's variable attention span. If you can hold their attention you deserve a prize. They have read a lot of great short stories and want to read as many more as possible. If your entry is not a short story they will know, so don't send a novel. If it's a chapter from a novel, don't tell us - it should stand alone. If it stands alone, we don't care whether it's part of a bigger work, but we don't want to know beforehand.

Entries must be sent by email to stories at-sign willesdenherald dot com. No pictures please, only very limited mailbox space is available. Maximum two entries per author. Even if the two best stories are by one author, only one will be selected, and only one prize per author.

All entries will be acknowledged by return email. If you do not receive your acknowledgement, either we have not received your entry due to our spam traps, or you have not received our acknowledgement due to your spam traps. This is equivalent to the Cone of Silence (cf. Get Smart). Please re-submit if you get no acknowledgement, and avoid anything that sounds like spam in your subject line.

Please state author name for by-line. Pen names are acceptable. Anonymity will be maintained (if required), with the help of St. Jude and the good judgement of the bartenders of Willesden. However, if you wish to receive your prize you will have to provide a delivery address. You don't need to send a delivery address unless you win. If you prefer you can collect your prize from Gigi's in Willesden by arrangement. We cannot conceive of anybody not wanting the prize, however if this enormous improbability were to befall, we would be pleased to donate the cost price to an online charity of your choice. N.B: The cost price.

Closing date for entries: December 24th, 2005. The winner and runner-up will be notified by email on New Year's Day and the results will be announced as soon as possible afterwards.

Winners are kindly asked to grant non-exclusive rights to Sloe Wine to publish their winning stories, online only, until the end of 2006, when they will be deleted. Alternatively, almost unique among literary competitions, we can leave your winning story unpublished if preferred. Copyright remains with the author at all times, of course. If you agree to publish, links will be posted here in the Willesden Herald to the winning entries. The results will be published online on several websites, and the title winner / runner-up Willesden short story prize 2006 will be yours.

Entries must be your own original work and previously unpublished.

This is a genuine competition. No purchase necessary, as they say. We reserve the right to withold either prize or both if entries of a sufficient standard are not received.

*Rare. Only two in existence. The first is in the possession of Eddie 'Red' Woodward (here seen drinking Irish Tea).

**The only one in existence is believed to be in the possession of The Rt. Hon. Sarah Teather, MP

Saturday, November 12, 2005

East of the Web

Short Stories



A pretty impressive site, with a lot of new short stories and a selection of classics. They are helping to nurture new short story writing talent.

Ossian

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Hysterical ninnies in full cry

Tonight on This Week (BBC1) Tony Parsons confirmed his imbecility. It was already clear when he was stuffed by Hari Kunzru on Newsnight Review, the other day. What a puny Goebbels wannabe.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Citizens safer tonight in Britain

291 vote for 90-day amendment; 322 against

It was the 'Sden wot done it. F---* The Sun, the Daily Blackmail, The Daily SS and the rest of the backsliding dumbasses.

Attention lobby fodder

Why MP's must reject 90 day detention (Guardian)

An even better reason: all your favourite blogs will be on 90-day hiatus.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Windbreaking News

Skynews Science Bulletin

"A Cambridge boffin has developed fart-free varieties to the relief of baked bean fans and their families everywhere. Dr Colin Leakey - that is his real name - has just produced his first six-tonne harvest of a new strain of South American manteca beans. Dr Leakey, 71, has even developed his own 'fart-ometer' to measure the amount of flatulence produced by manteca beans compared to other varieties."

Pressure has bean building up for this for ages.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005