now incorporating the Sudbury Hill and Wood End Times

Thursday, September 22, 2005

PM cusses Wales

The guilt about Wales

"The gap between Tony Blair's appearance and the reality, between all that squeaky-clean preachiness and the shoddy, self-serving reality of his quicksand mind, is now a well-established feature of British politics." (Guardian)


ianto evans said...

That grinning oaf is twp. If he ever comes to Tonypandy and Trealaw we'll fuck him all right.

Mrs Golightly (Bargoed) said...

I've never trusted him I haven't. Any one who grins as much as that man has got a lot to hide. I wouldn't trust him to look after my cat for the afternoon.

aneuryn troedyrhiw said...

Blair, ffwcin fwl, dos i ffwcio dy hun y cont, twpsyn.

Red Ed Woodward said...

As it happens, the entire Herald team has been working undercover in Wales for some time on a secret project. I tried to get a local to translate the previous message but she was a bit reluctant to say, so I'm guessing it's probably a bit of flattery for the PM, as she seemed to find it a bit unpleasant.

Sir Ian Hair said...

As a responsible organ of the press Mr Woodward perhaps you will use this episode to explain to the public why we are campaigning for three months detention for terrorist suspects and those suspected of sarcasm and less than wholehearted allegiance to Queen and Country and Flag.

Mr Troedyrhiw's comment is a case in point, exactly what the measures are aimed at. We need to find out exactly what his remarks are all about. Are they a cheery Welsh "hail thee, old fellow" (in which case why didn't he use English? English not good enough for you Mr Troedyrhiw?) or are they a coded message to the Welsh peasantry to rise up. In my estimation it could take up to three months to break the code he is using and should certainly be interred until the code is broken.


Ian Hair (Sir)

Barbara Moonchildren said...

I think I may be able to help. I am doing my Ph.d on the role of the Goddess and her vagina in Celtic mythology. My speciality is Breton folklore rather than the Welsh tongue but the languages are not totally dissimilar and much can be reasonably guessed. The message seems simply to be an invitation for Mr Blair to come to Wales to enjoy hospitality 'in the front rooms and back rooms' (or possibly 'passages').

Sheila na Gig said...

Isn't it wonderful how the internet allows all these people to communicate, who would never normally meet? I'm especially delighted to hear from Barbara Moonchildren and invite her to visit my favourite website, which in view of her speculism she will surely like.

David Davies (Sgt.) said...

Why do they need 3 months to interrogate these fifth columnists? Give me 3 days and a cattle prod and I'll get his message deciphered for you.

Barbara Moonchildren said...

For a moment I read that speculism as speculum and swooned. Now much recovered i have visited your site and I believe if I use Norton Wordjumbler I may be able to use that entire page in my ph.d.

My husband was much taken with the picture. He had thought that Mary Millington invented that pose in the 1970's. Men!

Sir Ian Hair said...

I should like to allay any worries that anyone living in these islands but outside Wales may have that the methods mentioned by Sgt Davies are used by our forces on any other people than the Welsh. They are not. I hope this clarifies.

Ian Hair (Sir)

Sir Ian Hair said...

Ohhh, I've had just about enough of this. Bring them in, Davies, all of them.

Hair of the Yard (Sir)

David Davies (Sgt) said...

Yes sir! You'll be pleased to know that following your strong leadership, I travelled by helicopter this evening to interview Mr Troedyrhiw myself. As I expected it took very little time before he was singing like a bird. It turns out the message was an order from Al Quaeda's representative in Wales, apparently one Osama Al Yoni. We are appealing for anyone who knows the whereabouts of Osama Al Yoni to contact the police. That's all I can say for now.

Ian Hair (Sir) said...

Excellent work Davies. Perhaps Mr Woodward will also take note that under The Disrespect and Shouting Out Nonsense in Conference Act Mr Troedyrhiw is being questioned in Syria on our behalf about the exact intent of his expostulation.

Hair of the Yard (Sir)

Gareth Pierced (Ms) said...

Syria? But that's an outrage!

Charles Darke said...

Ah, the usual gullible suspects, leaping out to defend the enemies of Freedom I see. Yes, Ms Pierced, Syria.

As part of our continuing efforts to bring economic prosperity and Freedom to the Middle East we have privatised what parts of our police work could be done by our foreign friends and outsourced them to these said friends . Since Welsh is a close relative to the Arabic dialect of Aleppo Syria was the natural choice in this instance.

Charles Darke (OHMS)

Ronald Stuart Thomas said...

To live in Wales is to be conscious
at dusk of the spilled blood that went into the making of the wild sky, dyeing the immaculate rivers
in all their courses. It is to be aware, above the noisy tractor and hum of the machine of strife in the strung woods, vibrant with sped arrows.

Ronald Thomas (dec'd)

Charles Darke said...

I've about had enough of this.

Mr Woodward, under the terms of the attached D Notice please be aware that should your august organ print details of the movement of troops into Wales to quell the insurgency that it is apparently now raging (no thanks to your own provacations) throughout that wretched country you will be liable to arrest under the Expostulation and Sarcasm Act 2005 and may be subjected to rendition to Benghazi.

Darke of the Cabinet Office

Rainbow Spike said...

I heard that Al Yoni isn't even Welsh. He's from the Isle of Man. And foreign fighters are flooding into Wales from Gloucestershire and Avon.

Nick Grimes said...

Mikipedia has the following: "Osama Al Yoni (1963-). Born Hywel McTavish, in Aberdeen to a Scottish father and a Welsh mother. Chairman of his local Young Conservatives, he became disenchanted after an incident at a bring and buy sale, when prevented from setting up a dirk and sgian dubh stall. In 1985 he was convicted of lewd and indecent behaviour and spent 6 months in Barlinnie prison where he converted to Islam. In 1990, he moved to Cardiff under a council flat exchange scheme. He is the founder of the Jihadis of Glendower."

Matthew Possett said...

I heard he hasn't got any legs.

Abrupt Khan said...

I read that he controls the global pricing mechanism for the fish market.

Sir Ian Hair said...

I would suggest that Mr Rainbow Spike acquaint himself with the Spreading Despondency Act (2005) and be aware that he is sailing close to the wind with that last remark of his.

Hair of the Yard

Dr Gerald Francis (retired) said...

Just to correct a misapprehension postulated above I should point out that a man with no legs such as Mr al-Yoni is unlikely to be controlling the global price of fish. He simply wouldn't have the mobility.

I don't rule it out absolutely but it would be unprecedented. Having said that a diet rich in fish would be beneficial to any reader who has lost his or her legs, and indeed it would be beneficial to children eating an otherwise poor diet.

Dr Gerald Francis G.P (retired)
Willesden Herald medical adviser
and author of Ask A Doctor.

Betty Evans (Can you help?) said...

Can you help?

My name is Betty Evans. We aren't even Welsh, we have lived in Willesden all our lives but when our son foolishly got caught shoplifting a jar of manuka honey (to put on his veruccas) in Boots at Brent Cross he was transferred to Burkina Faso for questioning under the Economic Crimes and Terrorism Act 2005. We know he has done wrong but please believe me when I say that he has never mixed with Welsh people and doesn't even like them. Because our surname is Evans and because Mr Troedyrhiw worked for a period in the fishmongers near Willesden Green station and the police found a receipt from there when they raided our house the police are convinced that we support Mr al-Yoni. We don't. We think the Beast of Penrhiwceiber (as The Sun have called him) is a nasty piece of work.

Can you help?

Concerned, Canning Town said...

It just goes to show that the Welsh are more trouble than they're worth. Why don't they go back to wherever they came from? I'm concerned about the impunity with which these people who undermine our society carry on their rabid outpourings. If they fail to respond to the clearly documented accusations above, I hope they will be charged under the Dumb Insolence and Unexplained Sniggering Act.

George White said...

At last a voice of reason (concerned of Canning Town) against the constant torrent of anti-British and anti-American tripe we hear so much of. You people want to sleep safe in your beds but don't want to pay the price of safety, which is constant vigilance against its enemies such as these Welsh thugs we are hearing so much of. If any of you had been in Cardiff on an international day you wouldn't be so quick to complain about our handling of these thugs. And let me tell you something, all of you would find it much more pleasant to be questioned by the Syrian police or our comrades in the war on terror in Burkina Faso than to be tortured by al Yoni, vile legless beast that he is.

If it takes another 37 acts of parliament to strengthen the war on terror and match the 37 acts already passed this year that is a small price to pay for sleeping safely in one's bed and for Freedom.

Think on.

George White
Coburn Road
Mile End

Junior Christian Fellowship said...

We think war is rotten and people should live together in harmony, and if Welsh people don't want to do that they should live in Wales.

Jacinta, Carol, Mark, Felakuti (all 16), Travis, Lourdes (13), and Kim Seul-Ki (12).

Willesden and Cricklewood JCF

Gladys Abanjo said...

Praise Be!!

Glory be to the most High!

From the mouths of babes and sucklings comes the truth.

May His name be sanctified.

Gladys Abanjo
Trinity Road Reformed Baptists

Ossian said...

The Herald is expecting a message from Al-Yoni on the anniversary of the Cod War, which is probably about now, or sometime during this present year anyway.