1/2lb ground beef, aka "mince" in the UK [or Quorn™. Ed.]
1/3 granny smith apple, chopped finely
blue cheese, crumbled, same volume as apple
onions, sliced
egg white
frozen garlic bread
piquante peppers, chips & salsa, rum & coke
Start cooking at 1am, after you have spent 10 hrs on a plane and 4 hrs in Immigration rotting and answering ridiculous questions about the nature of your romantic relationship and your finances. While onions are caramelizing, unprofessionally squash together beef, apple and blue cheese in a fit of unsophisticated culinary inspiration. Attempt to hold patty together with egg white, as instructed by your British companion (officially known in the "recorded landing" documents at Immigration as "boyfriend") but fail miserably. Eat/drink last items on list to compensate and kill time. Unfortunately microwave frozen garlic bread, as you cannot use more than one thing on the warehouse toaster oven/stove thingie at a time. Pile resulting mess of meat/cheese/apple onto garlic bread with ketchup, and top with burnt onions. Inhale happily, and swear it's the best burger you've ever had. which, frankly, it is.
Alura Allumeuse
(Courtesy of Revolting Hoosier Productions)
2 comments:
___________________________
Plain Common Sense
Thank goodness we still have enough people who know what their jobs are worth, and who do their best to discourage nubile young American ladies from entering this country. We have more than enough distractions for our young men, thank you very much. I'm sure they'll agree that they do not want any more attractive young ladies, and our lasses will agree they do not want any of those handsome American macho men either. There's no point in tormenting our young people with unfeasibly good-looking visitors who in a few more months will be banished from the realm again.
Congratulations to the tabloid newspapers as well, for campaigning to stop all these white immigrants from the Bollocklands trying to enter our fortress too. If we're not very careful, we'll end up with too many white people. The character of this Asian and Caribbean nation would be changed for ever. Let us content ourselves with the thousands of immigrants from the sub-continent who come in all the time - at least these have their marriages pre-arranged, so as not to provide any distractions to our busy lads and lasses, and their temptresses are safely locked away.
Lads and lasses, that's what it's all about, that's what I think we should all concentrate on, as I do.
Post by : Mr Cecil Haverty (host81-128-141-77.in-addr.btopenworld.com / )
___________________________
That's a very nice recipe, dear. I'm glad that you aren't trying to promote this new fad for ostrich or llama burgers or hot stoat pasties. You can tell by the glazed look on that dreadful Mr Bush's face that that kind of diet is blocking his bowels with impacted matter.
Are you nice and regular, dear?
Post by : Mrs Berries (webcacheh09b.cache.pol.co.uk / )
___________________________
Beefy Zen
Accustomed as we are to gratifying the desires of god-knows-how-many travellers each week, I offer an alternative approach to this recipe. First darlings, a good recipe is composed of three things: one-third fresh ingredients, one-third good technique and one-third convivial company with whom to share the repast. The following may be of some help: mix egg white thoroughly with a splash of Worcestershire, a splosh of ketchup, salt, pepper, chopped parsley. Add ground beef and blend well. If you use your hands for heaven's sake wash them first. Next, make two thin patties (four, if you have a dinner partner). Combine the cheese and apple mixture and place on two of the patties. Put the additional patties on top and seal the edges. Think of chicken Kiev or veal Cordon Bleu. Place patties in a cold pan and cook well. Near the end of the cooking time, add sliced onions to the pan. Does everything look ready? Wait! Avoid wolfing the lot. First, add a splish of red wine to the pan to deglaze and sauce the onions and meat. Meanwhile, ask a companion to insert a fork into the garlic bread and toast it over an open flame - be creative - several lighters may do the trick. Say to hell with the common way of doing things and serve the patties on slices of the garlic bread in the open-faced manner, onions topping the mound. The weary traveller may find a refreshing level of Zen experience in all or none of this.
Best wishes as ever.
Post by : Prudelia, commis chef at l'auberge Heathrow (cache-rq06.proxy.aol.com / )
___________________________
Dearest madam, exalted lotus of the Void, for a practitioner of zen or cha'an to contemplate sullying his or her alimentary canal with a dead minced cow (and indeed to think of a frozen electrocuted and bandsawed chicken containing melted cheese whilst doing so) is not conducive to preparation for wall-gazing. May I suggest for a zen practitioner that you substitute the slaughtered animal carcass and its entrails with the skimmed solidifying layers of freshly prepared pressed soya bean juice.
T.Lobsang Rampa
mine host at The Cricklewood and Lhasa Brasserie, Hendon Way, NW4.
Post by : Tuesday Lobsang Rampa (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
___________________________
Tsk Tsk
Why go to all that bother when for £3.99 you can have a Family Fun Mcburger at Burger Ponce. They are truly the dog's bollocks.
Post by : Sepp Blatter (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
___________________________
really?
I understood that was the chicken nuggets?
Post by : Simon Beaver (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
___________________________
I think the immigration official was being a little too officious in this instance. Surely it would have been sufficient to simply ask her to tone down her hair colour. She could have been ordered to apply a brunette rinse for instance and to report to Stoke Newington police station weekly to prove that she hadn't let it revert to ginger.
That's my opinion anyway
Post by : Jean Satyr (webcacheh10a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
___________________________
Beg pardon
One tries not to offend, but there it is.... substitute soya "burger" for the beef and pretend I didn't even mention chicken or veal. The word "Zen" as used above has more to do with a state of meditative focus than it does with vegetarianism - though I'm sure there are many of you who would disagree.
I am reminded of that sublime fragrance called "Zen" which Shiseido (esteemed Japanese cosmetics firm) introduced many years ago. Perfume, scent, has nothing whatsoever to do with vegetarianism....no, it was simply a reference to meditation achieved through the olfactory glands.
Post by : Prudelia (cache-dl01.proxy.aol.com / )
___________________________
Dear lady, esteemed lotus flower of the veil of creation, as the sages have noted "It is an illusionary delusion to believe that one can enter a state of meditative contemplation whilst having impacted fecal matter composed of dead animals putrefying inside the 66 yards of alimentary canal which forms the aisle from the door to the altar in the temple of one's body" Sapphire Sutra Tract X.
Tuesday Lobsang Rampa
Restaurateur and author of Wall gazing made easy
Post by : Tuesday Lobsang Rampa (webcacheh07a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
___________________________
What about fish? Is fish OK?
Post by : Mickey Spilling (webcacheh07a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
___________________________
Indeed it is, son. Our Lord loved a bit of fish on a Friday.
Post by : Monsignor Bobby Ball (webcacheh07a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
___________________________
I had ostrich once. It was very very nice, like a cross between capuchin monkey and ocelot. And it was ideal for my husband since he is on a gluten-free diet.
Betsey
Rapid Falls
USA
Post by : Betsey Chapelwood (webcacheh06a.cache.pol.co.uk / )
Post a Comment