now incorporating the Sudbury Hill and Wood End Times

Monday, May 06, 2013

The self-service confessional / Confessomat

This is one for the Dragons' Den (Shark Tank - US). We know that the Catholic church is facing a crisis with a shortage of priests and most of them leaving to get married. Brethren and sisthren, behold: the self-service confessional. I call it the Confessomat.

Advantages: increased productivity, speed of throughput, can be placed in supermarkets alongside lottery machines etc etc.

1: Select Sin.

2: Select Quantity.

3: Confirm: Are you sure you have broken the Nth command-ment?

4: Yes, I have more sins or No, go to checkout.

5: Note: We may share your data with selected third parties. If you do not want this press No.

6: If you have a Nectar card, place it in the reader now.

7: Important Terms and Conditions. I understand that unless I truly repent, my sins will not be forgiven and no liability will be accepted in events including, but not limited to, death in venial sin, death in mortal sin, impure communion. I confirm that I have provided true and complete details of my sins. Nothing in this agreement replaces your rights or liabilities under civil legislation. If you believe you have broken the law, you should report to your local police station. If any one of the terms of this agreement should fail, the remainder of the agreement shall apply with maximum effect. This agreement shall be construed and enforced according to the laws of the Vatican State. (I agree/I do not agree)

8: Finish. Thank you, your penance is being printed.

9: "Te absolvo." Thank you my child. You have received N Nectar points and one Hail Mary off your penance the next time you use Confessomat.

Simon Moribund

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