Friday, February 09, 2007

Dear Mona: When counsellors need help

I have a bit of a problem...


with Mona Bone-Jakon

Dear Mona, I have a rather unexpected and distressing problem. Like yourself, I am a counsellor, and like yourself I have done everything to perfection—instant solutions to complicated problems, again just like yourself—had a brilliant career with a list of credits as long as your arm, but nobody writes to me anymore! Could it be that I have been too successful and worked myself out of a job, and what can I do about it?

Gloria, Dollis Hill

Mona replies:

Dear Gloria, it's not that you've worked yourself out of a job, you are a real pro—I can tell—it's just that the world is full of losers, who would rather wallow around in their misery than accept the advice of us pros about how to turn on their happiness receptors. I do appreciate you writing to me about this, I know that it wasn't easy, and I hope you will see that what I am about to advise you is in fact the solution to all your difficulties, and that is: screw them! They don't deserve you. Also when the next enquiries come—as they surely will—hold back a little, don't give them the full instant solution. Why not setup a course, a program of treatments and take them for every last penny they've got. Always remember, they are nonentities, we are the pros.

Lovingly, ever, Mona

Due to the volume of mail received, Mona regrets that she cannot enter into any personal correspondence. Send details of your own original misery to Dear Mona.

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