Friday, June 02, 2006

Exclusive: Word Cup - Live commentary (starting today)

with Sean Brijbasi

Ladies and gentlemen, if we could have some quiet please, the author is about to begin.


Joe: A solid start. The use of the definite article the, though widely used, has really been known to quiver in this man's hands.

Jack: Yes, we've seen it time and again. A solid opening. Wonder where he'll go from here?


The dog

Joe: A formidable connection made here.

Jack: There's something of a firebrand in this man, isn't there? I mean who could have—I'm—pardon me ladies and gentlemen I didn't think I would be at a loss for words already.

Joe: Hah hah. He does that to people, though, doesn't he Jack?

Jack: I'm really speechless.


The dog ran

Joe: A verb! A verb! He's really picking up the pace now.

Jack: I've seen him do this before. We might be in for a special treat here.


The dog ran into

Joe: Touché. He's using everything in his arsenal now. The preposition is, no doubt, playing all sorts of tricks with the readers' minds. I know it is with mine. Definitely the deft touch of a savvy raconteur.

Jack: I dunno Joe. I might have to disagree with you there. It seems to me that he's gotten himself into a bit of a quagmire now. I mean, where does he go from here? But I don't want to speak too soon.

Joe: No. Not with this guy. How many times has his work been spoken too soon of and how many times has he pulled up his shirtsleeves and just gotten the job done? A tireless worker. Probably one of the least appreciated aspects of his personality. And a role model.

Jack: You might be right Joe. Still, I'll be interested to see where he goes with this now.


The dog ran into the

Joe: Oh! Another definite article.

Jack: That was most unexpected. He's going somewhere new with this. Now I've seen it all. Hah hah hah.


The dog ran into the yard

Joe: I'm speechless. Ladies and gentlemen, we are witnessing something historic here.

Jack: Oh, he really is pulling out all the stops now. Fantastic stuff. He may be writing on the fly here. I still think he put himself in a bit of a spot with that preposition, but he's recovered brilliantly.


The dog ran into the yard like

Joe: Are we going into simile here, Jack?

Jack: It looks to me that he might be, Joe. So far it's been a dynamic performance. He could have ended with yard and called it a day.

Joe: Not this guy, Jack. How many times has he pushed the envelope? I mean the letters are just falling out. Still, he has to be careful here doesn't he? Just last week we saw someone try this and become completely discombobulated.

Jack: It certainly is tricky.

Jim: I'm still here.

The dog ran into the yard like a

Joe: Yes, it looks like he's going into a simile. One can only shake one's head at this. How many times has the average person tried this on the weekend? He makes it look like child's play.

Jack: And an indefinite article. There must be ice water in his veins. Look at the crowd. No one is sitting now.


The dog ran into the yard like a cat.

Joe: Oh my!

Jack: The scene has turned into pandemonium here Joe. A brilliant touch. Brilliant. And to leave no doubt he ended it with the period. All in one motion. Unbelievable. Ladies and gentlemen, remember what you saw here today. We may never see the likes of it again in our lifetime.

Joe: Jack, I gotta tell you. I've been covering these things for decades and I have never seen anyone better. I believe that we are in the presence of greatness. Could he be the best ever?



mottie said...

It goes without saying that this takes me back twenty years to a not dissimilar piece of wizardry in the Mondial at the Estadio Azteca on the 22nd of June 1986, Maradona's second against England that day.

My one piece of advice to this up-and-coming lad regards his use of writing glove. If he is using one of the most modern writing gloves make sure that his metacarpals are well protected.

Nick Grimes (Willesden Herald reporter) said...

Mottie! Why did you ever leave the Barnet Press? You could have been covering fly-tipping and council elections by now, if you'd played your cards right. It's the best people who stay in their own neighbourhood you know, far better than the scallcrows who fly off to foreign parts.

mottie said...

Ah Nick, thereby hangs a tale. I was given a free transfer to the Sheffield Morning Telegraph after fruitless negotiations with the Golders Green Forward and Clarion, imagine - covering games at Bramall Lane and Hillsborough rather than Vicky Park, Finchley Central.

I have kept in touch with local lads over the years and of course I was most distressed to hear of the passing of John "Mugsy" Dando a while back.

A lot of promising lads came through his hands during the period I was at Barnet.