Wednesday, June 30, 2004

How to be British - an occasional series for Foreigners

Part 2 - the hysterical

Decide your habiliment of hilarity early and swathe yourself in it on all social occasions. Should your mien gravitate towards the pompous, you may choose something from the house of John Cleese. As an opening gambit with a demoiselle at a soiree, refer to an unrelated item in the manner of the Dead Parrot Sketch. Faced with a wilted lettuce leaf, a Briton from the school of Cleese will invariably declare, "This is an ex-legume, it is sadly etiolated, in short it is dead." You will not be out-of-place afterwards, when sufficient chardonnay has been quaffed, goosestepping around mein host's hallway and bellowing, "Don't mention the war." For a more contemporary effect, you can be David Brent from The Office, the entire Fast Show - ooh suits you - or if you have the talent for mimicry that you think you have, big up for Ali G in da house. As a connoisseur of all things purely British, I like to affect a modest air of Alan Bennett, myself. Choose your comedy well, laugh like a drain at your own jokes, and remember you won first prize in the tombola of talent when you were born a British comedian.


Old Comments:

John @ 9:39AM 2004-09-01

Or you may encounter the pedant who will quote "Suit you, sir". My Python and Pete'n'Dud quoting abilities are a bit sad, but at least i didn't learn morality from Star Trek TNG like some of these young foreigners.

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Karlo @ 7:21PM 2004-10-11

In spite of my supererogatory efforts to develop the British knack for hilarity, I just can't quite get the swing of it. Are you sure you are just qauffing chardonnay lads? It does smell, how shall I say it, a bit "peatty" in here...

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